This Date Must Work!
by SpongeGuy
Summary: Cavendish and Dakota's romantic life is in trouble! Can Cavendish save it? Or is he not capable of love? WARNING: ANGST. Part of "The Milo Murphy's Law Wiki Guy AU".


This Date Must Work!

A light shower of rain pitter pattered down on the gravelly road next to the Strip Mall as Balthazar Cavendish, one half of the heroes for hire, currently in a trash bag green raincoat, searched for the house key that was lost among 23 Will Smith head key chains.

"What can I say? I'm a simple man with simple weaknesses.", Vinnie Dakota, the other half of the team, wearing a burrito rain coat, slinked his hand over his in-more-ways-than-one partner's shoulder. "Will Smith's head, Burrito Raincoats…"

The 40-something year old tickled Cavendish's chin bottom.

"Sexy uptight giraffe necked dudes…"

Cavendish would normally have returned the compliment, but he was too focused on the keys (and on other things) to perform this simple action.

In fact, Cavendish was a bit awkward suddenly over the whole thing.

"I… I see what you mean, Dakota.", he coughed, suddenly very interested in the dark grey clouds that were circling the Strip Mall.

And in the fact that they seemed to all contain his father's ridiculous cleft chin, that looked like it was out of a Crimson Chin cosplay taken too far.

"Dakota, how 'ya doin'?", Marjory, the duo's neighbor to the right asked. She was a 40 something ginger haired woman, a little overweight, very fond of Hawaiian and Lime Green mumus, and of her very queer in both ways neighbors.

"Just back from patrol and grocery shopping, Marjory.", Dakota informed with a wry smile, happy to see his cheerful neighbor. The two had managed to hit it off quite well, and Dakota could always trust Marjory to cheer him up or at least entertain him with her presence.

"Awful weather. You shouldn't take patrol in such terrible nights.", Marjory said, concerned for the two.

"Cavendish.", she greeted with a smile.

"Evening.", Cavendish greeted back, but with zero enthusiasm or meaning.

While Cavendish began to unlock the door with the finally found house key, Dakota fished in his Burrito raincoat pockets for something, tongue sticking out in concentration.

"Hold on, I've got something for you.", he said, and he pulled out those cherry sweets that aided Marjory's aching throat.

"Thank you dear.", Marjory said warmly as she accepted the gift in her hands, narrowly avoiding another outpour of rain.

Dakota looked over at Cavendish. "I might have something for you…", he purred with a sultry voice.

"Sure, Dakota.", Cavendish said in a very unsure voice.

The rain echoed in the rafters as the door to the apartment opened and Cavendish walked in, barely wiping his feet on the "Welcome, Especially If You Deliver Food" mat.

Dakota stayed behind though, looking down onto the floor, glum and blue.

The rainwater trickled down his raincoat and his glasses were getting soaked, but right now, he didn't care.

A weary sigh escaped his lips, and it did not go unnoticed by Marjory.

"Still not very responsive, I see.", she observed sympathetically.

Dakota nodded morosely. "I don't know what to do, Marjory. It's been a whole month."

Marjory shook her head sadly. "Don't worry, Vinnie, it happens. Relationships hit bumps in the road."

Dakota looked at her with sad eyes. "This feels like more than a bump. We've barely kissed, we haven't had a date night in forever… Heck, he almost doesn't talk to me anymore. And even the surprisingly successful bowling night we had struck out!"

He quickly added "Pun not intended, shockingly."

The warmth emanating from Marjory's door stood in direct contrast to the gloomy lighting of the interior in front of Dakota.

"It's a real shame. I remember when you first got together, aw, it was lovely!", Marjory remembered with fondness, a small smile adorning her old face. "Warmed this old bat's heart, truth be told."

Dakota chuckled. "Yours is warm enough, Marjory."

A small silence, and Dakota began to enter his apartment, when Marjory signaled him.

"Vinnie… If you ever need to talk…"

Dakota nodded, appreciating the gesture. "I know. I will if I need to."

Marjory offered a moment of hope. "I'm sure you'll get through this."

Dakota sighed again as he departed. "I surely hope so."

Dakota eyes squinted to adjust to the light, and soon he was able to observe his surroundings.

Four small and cramped rooms made up the couple's living space: A bedroom for Cavendish (which had been turned into a closet/dumping ground for whatever was lying around ever since the two began sleeping together, or, well, "Smashing Booties"), A bedroom for Dakota (sweaty, wallpaper that's tearing off, a bed filled with food crumbs: In other words, perfect!), a bathroom (that has a very small shower space, a broken toilet and in which the hot water runs out faster than Cavendish can flood the car; Cavendish has nicknamed it "Hell On Earth") and finally, the main room and the only one that seems to function, the living room.

Once the room had been filled up by two grey steel desks and a communication device from the future.

But over the years they had managed to furnish the place properly, purchasing among other things a red couch, a picture of Hawaii, and a proper dining table.

They had also bought a television, and that was what Cavendish was working on setting up as Dakota entered the room.

"Blast it all!", he cursed as small electrical sparks flew into his face, temporarily blinding him.

A hit to the set later, and a picture was properly on now.

"You killed thousands of people! You destroyed precious landmarks! You even stole Myanmar! How do you feel about yourself?!", a judge asked a sort of familiar but in an uncanny way celebrity.

In other words, Tobias Trollhammer.

"I feel refreshed, thanks to my new deodorant, "Disgusting Has Been That Will Never Get Back To The Top"."

Tobias sighed as he looked at the camera, the product being shown off with a bad J Peg.

"Goddamn it.", he cursed.

"Disgusting Has Been That Will Never Get Back To The Top": It really nails that smell of absolute failure!", an announcer said.

"Warning: May induce uncontrollable, probably illegal drive to watch "Krillhunter" movies. And not pirated: Buy them on DVD's."

Cavendish sat down on the couch, looking…

Odd.

As if he was…

Thinking about something…

Painful.

Dakota sat down next to him, smiling.

"So…", he said, slowly extending his hand over Cavendish's shoulder.

"What do you want to do? What should I order?", he asked, hoping to get Cavendish to notice him.

Cavendish kept looking at the distance, as if he was avoiding Dakota's look. "…I really don't mind."

Dakota put his hands on his hips, doubtful. "Yeah, that is not like you."

Cavendish turned his back to Dakota. "Look, I just don't know, ok?"

Dakota stared longingly at his partner, but he knew it was an unnecessary fight.

He sighed and got up.

"Well, I'm getting some… Frozen Pizza, I guess.", Dakota said, noticing the very low budget.

Dakota got the oven ready, and after a few minutes, the two were silently dining on frozen pizza.

Usually, they would joke, or at least comment on what they were watching, but right now, a wall of silence stood defiantly between them.

Cavendish would occasionally steal glances at Dakota, before looking very guilty and lonely and slinking back.

Dakota was worried. Something was wrong with the man he loved, but he didn't know how to help him. He didn't know if he could even approach him.

Cavendish would just find a way to avoid the problem.

Something…

Something was wrong.

But Dakota couldn't find out.

So they ate silently, and they got dressed silently, and they got into bed silently.

Not a word was uttered out loud, but a million were thought as they settled into bed.

Dakota looked over at Cavendish, and tried to kiss him goodnight, but Cavendish turned his back to him, his body language stiff and cold.

Dakota sighed and turned around too, failing to sleep what with his hurt heart.

"…Goodnight, Cavendish. I… I love you." Dakota said quietly.

Cavendish didn't answer.

Cavendish didn't know if he deserved to answer.

Wait, that was an odd thought!

Of course he deserved to answer!

He just…

He just didn't feel like it!

So there! (Tongue sticks out)

So they slept.

Despite the blanket, it all felt so…

Cold.

Finally, hours later, around 4 in the morning, Cavendish woke up, and sat up in bed.

He stared at Dakota.

Why was it all so awkward suddenly?

Why was it so hard?

Why…

Why did it feel wrong?

Cavendish hugged himself and looked down at the bed.

Where was the spark he had once felt with Dakota?

Cavendish ran his hand over Dakota's hair, but again he felt nothing.

Cavendish gulped as he thought of one terrible thing:

Where…

Where was the love they had felt?

…

And was it his fault it was gone?

* * *

_(Dark screen)_

_(Suddenly, "We Don't Talk Anymore" by Charlie Puth and Selena Gomez starts playing as a series of scenes play put in a logo: Cavendish and Dakota's first meeting (Homosexual Part 1), Cavendish and Dakota enjoying paintball (Homosexual Part 1), Cavendish comforting Dakota in the bouncy castle (Homosexual Part 1), Dakota travelling in time to save Cavendish (Homosexual Part 1), Cavendish comforting Dakota in the truck (Diameter Part 2), Dakota trying to confess his love (Diameter Part 2), Dakota sacrificing himself to save Cavendish (Diameter Part 3), Dakota confessing his love to Cavendish to Richard Chase, Brick and Savanna (Diameter Part 3, Elevator Music Is Not In My Control and My Dinner With Vinnie), Cavendish and Dakota reunite (Diameter Part 3), Cavendish and Dakota dine together (Diameter Part 3), Dakota knowing that he and Cavendish will be all right (Mistreat), Dakota promising to guard Cavendish (Guard), Dakota confessing to Cavendish (My Dinner With Vinnie), Cavendish giving up on his promotion for Dakota (Homosexual Part 1), Cavendish kissing Dakota (Homosexual Part 1), Dakota massaging Cavendish's back (Fun Day), Dakota complimenting Cavendish and Cavendish blushing (Fun Day) and The two going out hand in hand (Homosexual Part 1))_

_(Finally, a logo appears:_

**The Milo Murphy's Law Wiki Guy AU Presents:**

**This Date Must Work!**

_"__We don't talk anymore, like we used to do…"_

CLICK!

Cavendish turned the radio knob, hoping that a cheerier song will play.

_"__Maybe I didn't treat you_

_Quite as good as I should have_

_Maybe I didn't love you_

_Quite as often as I could have_

_Little things I should have said and done_

_I just never took the time…"_

CLICK!

Again, he hoped against hope that something less depressing will play.

_"__She wakes up, she makes up_

_She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry_

_She no longer needs you_

_And in her eyes you see nothing_

_No sign of love behind the tears_

_Cried for no one_

_A love that should have lasted years!"_

"Doggone it!", Cavendish cried as he turned the knob once again, the radio laying the guilt real thick on him.

…The spark was still there.

It…

It had to be!

_"…__BUT I'M A CREEP!"_

BAM!

Cavendish threw the radio onto the wall, breaking it.

Dakota, who was making baloney sandwiches in the mini kitchen (read: Sink and oven they had just managed to squeeze in), turned his head to observe the mindless violence.

"…Good morning."

Cavendish huffed as he avoided Dakota's glance.

He just…

He just couldn't look at him.

Cavendish blinked in confusion.

"How come?", he thought, scratching his hat, before realizing he was doing that and moving his hand to his forehead.

"Dakota is my… Boyfriend.", he thought, a solid as rock fact for more than a year now, yet for some reason, it didn't feel as watertight as it used to be.

In fact, Cavendish could barely even think it now.

It boggled his mind.

Why would it be so… Alien to him now?

"As it damn should be!", a familiar voice called out from between the couch cushions, but Cavendish didn't have time to investigate it.

"…You going to say good morning back?", Dakota asked, having waited until now to hear something, anything. Even some kind of animalistic grunt would be preferable over the silence.

Cavendish tried to look at Dakota, but the light from outside (surprisingly sunny for October, he noted) made it very bright, and Dakota was covered in shadows.

"Sorry, I just…", Cavendish started, but he honestly couldn't continue. Why hadn't he said good morning?

In fact, why was he being so aloof?

It wasn't that he wanted to exactly, but it was like some kind of impulse, or perhaps a compulsion, or even an instinct that was making him distant all of a sudden.

"It's not any of those… It is common sense, my boy…"

WHERE was that voice coming from?

Dakota didn't like any of this, and once he finished making the baloney sandwiches, he took two plastic plates with "Milly and The Meninkeinan" on them and sat down next to his partner.

The couch had always been a little lacking in space, but Cavendish felt truly cramped now.

Perhaps it was the cushions, but he had to get some room.

Perhaps it was just that Dakota and his halitosis felt too close.

Perhaps it was that it felt like there were three people…

Four, if you count the voice.

And perhaps it was a deeper rooted problem…

Something that made him feel like he should be nowhere near anyone.

He scooched away, prompting a sad look from Dakota, who handed him the plate.

Cavendish hesitantly took it, a lack of enthusiasm painted clearly on his face.

"I'm… Not very hungry right now. Maybe later."

Dakota shook his head. "Yeah, maybe never.", Dakota thought, disappointed.

What was going on with Cavendish?

Dakota began to eat his sandwich, but it tasted like sawdust, and he felt nothing but cold.

Cavendish again said nothing and just seemed lost in thought.

What was making him so distant?

He didn't feel like listening to more of Dakota's inane drivel on whatever was on his mind right now.

He wasn't interested in debating the day's plans for the patrol (which he honestly felt like skipping).

And he wasn't up for any jokes of any kind…

"Hey, Cavendish! I guess we don't see eye to eye anymore! Get it? 'Cause I can't see you?", Dakota joked as the Milly and the Meninkeinan plate covered his face.

Cavendish stared at the antic with no amusement.

"…Get that plate off your face, Dakota."

Did Dakota not understand that he couldn't appreciate his humor?

Why was he still wasting his time on him?

Dakota slowly lowered the plate, a disappointed frown now adorned on his face.

He sighed, and so did Cavendish, as they stared at the peeling white wall of the house, that had a few too many bumps on it.

Dakota looked at Cavendish.

Cavendish, feeling oddly guilty, looked away.

Dakota looked back at the wall.

So did Cavendish.

…

"So… You ready for patrol today? Ms. Reinhardt has that mutant SAT tests problem, we need to go to Josh's convenience store and fix the vending machine I… Got angry at, and that Joni kid Mort told us about could use some help. Kid sounds real depressed."

Cavendish kept staring at the wall, as if he was off in another world.

Which was impossible, seeing as he couldn't possibly breath on another surface.

Dakota snapped his fingers for attention.

"Cav? You awake? I don't need to use the alarm clock again, right?"

Cavendish finally responded. "Not much of an alarm clock! All you do is play "I'm a Barbie Girl"!"

"It does the work! Also, nice to hear you talk to me.", Dakota said, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

The two resumed their silence.

Dakota wondered if perhaps Cavendish was just tired, and maybe not too excited for patrol.

He could get that, people being tired of their jobs was practically the international pastime.

Maybe he could make it more fun!

Dakota smiled as he nudged Cavendish.

"You know, we could make patrol less of a chore! Maybe we'll take some detours on the breaks, go to some of your favorite places…", he offered, a playful tone in his voice.

"We could play some paintball!", he said in a sing songy voice.

But once again, Cavendish said nothing.

"How can I? I'd probably ruin it with my god awful mood. And why am I so disinterested in all this?", he thought.

Cavendish looked at Dakota, but felt…

Nothing.

"What's missing? What's wrong?"

Dakota, meanwhile, was getting tired of this.

Cavendish wasn't responding to anything.

What was up with him?

Was Dakota not fun enough?

H'mm.

Maybe he needed a little more passion.

It had been a while since they really had any fun.

Dakota grinned as he reached a hand over to Cavendish's face and stroked it.

"You know, dark, tall and neurotic…", he offered, a purr seemingly escaping his lips as he edged closer.

He began to climb his lap, making Cavendish sweat nervously.

Dakota got really close to his ear, and he playfully ran his fingers through Cavendish's hair.

"We can stay at home for a few more minutes, if you need some more…"

He whispered "Stimulation…", before taking a nip of Cavendish's ear.

Cavendish suddenly widened his eyes and got up, waving it all off.

"No! No! I…", he started, but he could see that Dakota, who had already taken his shirt off a bit, was startled.

What had he done?

Did Cavendish not find him hot anymore?

"Um… Am I… Did I forget to brush my teeth or something? Do I have something in my teeth? Are my teeth erecting invisible roadblocks between us or something? Help me out, Balthy, I can only think of teeth related obstacles.", Dakota asked, legitimately confused.

Cavendish loved snuggling with him, whispering sweet nothings, discovering "South Dakota".

Was he really not attractive anymore?

Cavendish, realizing where this was going, tried to save face.

"What? No! No! Of course not!", he said, feeling uneasy, as if it wasn't genuine. "It's just…"

Should he tell the truth?

Wait…

As a matter of fact…

What the heck is the truth?

Cavendish honestly wasn't sure.

All he knew was that he felt distant, like he had to stay away from Dakota.

But why?

Was it possible that someone took over his brain?

Maybe someone inhuman?

Was it possible that he was being fed lies, thoughts that weren't his own?

Could he be just really grumpy?

Surely it wasn't really him that was being so difficult!

He was always great in this relationship!

Dakota still awaited an answer, and he tapped his foot impatiently. "Balthy, we don't have all day. What's up? Really. You've been really weird, which is saying something, considering you're you. Weird is probably on the birth certificate."

"Jokes on him!", Cavendish thought cockily. "It actually says "Bizarre"…"

Cavendish rubbed the back of his neck.

He couldn't tell the truth 'till he found out what it was.

Maybe he could distract him so that he could find out!

Yes!

That's it!

No way would this backfire horribly!

Cavendish straightened himself and put on his most normal smiling face, which looked like he was about to meet his great aunt who gives sloppy kisses and false fan theories on "Days of Our Lives".

"I just need a little bit of me time to… Prepare myself for…"

He looked for an excuse, and suddenly it hit him as he looked at a plate of dates.

"Our excursion to buy more dates!"

Dakota gave him a curious look, before turning to the plate of dates.

"But… You hate dates."

Cavendish sweated nervously.

"Why, they're for you, of course!"

Dakota crossed his arms, now miffed.

"I HATE dates too!"

"Why do we have dates then?", Cavendish thought.

Cavendish gulped. "Really? I thought you loved eating everything!"

"I'm not a vacuum cleaner, you know.", Dakota responded, before sucking up Cavendish's sandwich like a vacuum cleaner.

Cavendish sighed. "Look, I just need some time to prepare for…"

He looked at the dates again, and this time, the right idea came to mind.

"Our date night! Tonight! Which I totally planned! This isn't spontaneous! I hate spontaneous! Who doesn't?", Cavendish lied, hoping Dakota would buy it.

Somewhere, the word Spontaneous dunked another beer, wondering what it had done to earn Cavendish-Senpai's scorn.

Dakota was still worried and frustrated by the month's events, and he definitely wasn't happy to be left alone for all the day's hard work, but he figured that perhaps this could help them, perhaps this could rekindle the flames.

Dakota wanted to save this relationship.

If it required him to work a little harder, than gosh darn it he would!

Dakota got up from the couch and smiled at Cavendish, which eased the tall man's spirit. "Ok, Balthy. I must say, I would really love that. It's been so long since we had a real, proper date."

Cavendish knew that was true, yet he felt less sentimental. "Yeah, I know. It's been too long… Dear."

Dakota hugged Cavendish, glomping him slightly, which Cavendish cringed at. "Oh, Balthy, you really know how to make me feel pretty sometimes!"

Dakota kissed him on the cheek, but the sensation felt fake to Cavendish. As if it wasn't meant to be.

Dakota began to leave, having quickly packed his necessary objects. "You go and rest, I'll get it done quickly! Meet me at, say… 19:00 sharp? Chez Chaz?"

Cavendish paused at this. "You want to eat there?"

Dakota blushed, feeling a little shy now. "Yeah, you know. I want somewhere special, just for you. You'd love it more than the Breakfast Burrito place."

Cavendish couldn't help but feel a little touched at the selfless gesture, yet somehow, it also felt wrong.

God damn it, what was wrong with him?

"Well, meet you there!", Dakota said, but not before quickly adding "I love you!"

Dakota hid behind the door frame, closing his eyes in hope.

Cavendish didn't say anything.

Dakota sighed and left.

"Well, I better contact the kids immediately! They'll know how to help, what with all the "Teen Drama on the CW" stuff they're always going through!", he said to himself, and he put his hand in his pocket, but instead of his phone, he pulled out…

"Asking for help?!", a voice bellowed, a voice Cavendish knew all too well.

But that didn't stop him from yipping and throwing the voice away, the seemingly invisible object ricocheting off the television, the plate of dates and the glass statue of Jeff Goldblum riding Optimus Prime and wielding Mjolnir.

…

"We sure have a ton of weird and unnecessary stuff…", Cavendish thought, bewildered by some of his life choices.

Suddenly, the voice appeared before him again.

"Asking for help?!"

Cavendish sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose, and flared his nostrils as his eyes met with the now floating head before him, the apparition a figment of his imagination, but the apparition's personality most definitely not imaginary.

"You really have gone soft.", he uttered with disgust and disappointment, his bushy eyebrows and beard, military buzz cut and monocle telling a very particular picture.

"…Hello to you too, Father.", Cavendish "greeted" with a lack of enthusiasm one would describe as… Lacking in enthusiasm.

Man, am I good at this writing thing! (Tear falls)

"So… You've finally released me from your subconscious! You never call unless it's an emergency, huh?"

The floating head observed his son, eyeing everything with much judgment.

"Lanky… Bad posture… TERRIBLE smell…"

"In my defense, I haven't yet had the chance to shower…", Cavendish started, before an icy cold sheet of water suddenly rained down on him from a wooden bucket.

Letting out an ear piercing scream, he leapt into the air and, with a mad look, reprimanded his father.

"SERIOUSLY?! I'm a grown man, Father! I go to the shower…"

"When I say so!", the ghost ordered, sticking up close and personal to Cavendish, who gulped, a shudder of recognition coming out of him.

"You really are my father… Or, well, my subconciouses' version of him."

The head smiled proudly at himself, chin up high. "Indeed I am!"

He then resumed his sour expression, the green smoke trail that followed him now covering the room and making Cavendish cough.

"Now, let's us turn to the matter at hand."

"Yes, my relationship with Dakota is in a bad place, and I must save it…", Cavendish started, only to get silenced by the head.

"WRONG!"

The apparition tutted. "My boy, you are making a mistake."

Cavendish, with his inflated ego, gasped. "Impossible!"

"Unfortunately, very possible!"

The head harrumphed, and pointed at a picture of Cavendish and Dakota, at the beach.

Dressed in swimwear, the two were waving at the camera, Dakota's hand on Cavendish's shoulder, Cavendish mostly keeping his hands for himself, but a small, wry smile on his face, a rare, genuine moment of love from the British man.

Also in the picture were Milo, Melissa, Zack, Sara, Doof and even Amanda (who rarely talked to them these days, for reasons unknown to the group).

Smiles, laughter and silly faces were abound, and once could almost feel the warmth and genuine care from the picture.

Even Cavendish, despite his doubts, insecurities and fear of intimacy, felt a small flame of hope in his heart.

But clearly, the head disagreed. "Look at you! Surrounded by people you love, a family, a home, a lover…"

The head shook his head. "Weak. Pathetic. Soft."

Cavendish rolled his eyes, accustomed to this speech.

"Remember, my boy: A man does not need much. All he truly needs is…"

"A wife, a weapon and himself.", Cavendish finished the sentence, eyes rolling. "You've only said that a million times."

The head frowned. "Clearly not enough."

He moved up to Cavendish, now almost seeming caring. "Boy, do you not see that you are on the wrong path? You are weakening yourself with all these relationships, endangering your masculinity with all this "caring"."

He continued to swirl around Cavendish. "You ask why you feel doubt. It is obvious! You are going against your destiny! Against your purpose! You can never be the man you could be with all this!"

Cavendish wanted to protest, but he too felt a disturbance, albeit different to his father.

Cavendish felt…

What was it?

Not disgust, not disappointment, not even annoyance…

He moved closer to the photo, observing it, studying it.

He saw people he loved…

People he cared for…

But there was also a…

A hesitation.

A doubt.

…

Fear.

Cavendish wanted to say it out loud, but something, perhaps his other fear, stopped him.

"Boy… A man does not admit to his fears. But he fights them. You are afraid. And that is the worst thing possible."

He floated to him, almost sympathetic. "You must retreat. Leave these people, leave Dakota. You cannot be weak."

Cavendish felt weak willed, he felt fear, he felt an aversion…

But something inside him fought those feelings.

"I… I…"

It was like a fight was taking place inside him.

As if two great sides fought for control.

And Cavendish didn't know which side he would fall to.

But for now, the right side was winning.

Cavendish looked at Dakota's face and thought of what a great man he is…

And he turned to his father's head with anger.

"You will not order me! I am taking Dakota on a perfect date, and that is final!"

The ghost shook it's head. "We shall see about that. We shall see if you do this. But be warned, my boy: By tonight, you will discover a great and terrible truth. And you will face a crossroads. Good luck."

And like that, Cavendish's dad disappeared.

Once he was sure he was gone, Cavendish whipped out his phone in a frenzy and sent a text to "My Kids" group chat.

"Dadvendish with a big emergency! Where are you all gathered?"

He waited impatiently, but a reply was sent by a seemingly impatient Zack.

"At Josh's convenience store. He's complaining about Dadkota's "vendetta with his vending machine" or whatevs. What do u need, Dadvendish?"

Cavendish began to race over there as he texted while running. "No time to explain, I'll tell you when I get there!"

He suddenly ran into a lamppost.

"Confound it! What are you doing here? Why did you stand in my way?", Cavendish complained, rubbing his aching nose.

He stood up, straightened his hat, and with a huff, he resumed his run to Josh's store.

He had to do this.

He was the hero, he was the responsible one.

If anyone was going to save this relationship that he was definitely still invested in, it was him!

He would not fail.

He would not.

* * *

"Move. The. Freakin'. Line. Already!", Zack shouted between pauses of smashing his head on the wall.

Armed with a T-Shirt of Hamosaur and Giant Pistachion making out, a baseball hat that said "This Ship Is The Beast!", and a bag of raw ham, Zack was more than prepared for the Hamstachion special that was airing tonight on TV.

He had waited months for this moment of pleasure, so rare and enticing for someone like him, with the mental health of a prune with masculinity issues.

So it really ticked him off that he was the only one who was prepared.

To be fair, one could argue that the other people in the line were not nearly as cultured as he was, which is why they were taking so long: If they had brains, they'd know to hurry up for what is clearly the most important thing to happen since Serendipitacely's birth.

So he could forgive that.

But his own friends taking too much time?

THAT he could vent about!

"Jesus Christ, guys! We're gonna miss the pre-promos promos! Who knows what cringe inducing commenrcials I could miss? All the potential snark!", Zack whined, throwing his arms up in the air.

"Shh!", demanded Josh, who was sleeping in one of the supermarket carts. "I need to catch up on rest. I haven't slept."

"For how long?", Zack inquired.

"Did you miss the period after "slept"?", Josh replied, before nodding off.

Zack nodded, before realizing something. "Dude!", he shouted, outraged. "You're supposed to be moving the line ahead!"

"But I really need to catch some Z's…", Josh complained, but Zack dragged him by the collar back to the counter.

"Yeah, well, tough! I might actually miss the live premiere of something I can DVR, but didn't since I was busy questioning my existence!"

"Just do it on the toilet, like I do!", Josh said.

"I like to be existential with my pants on, thank you very much!", Zack retorted, and he placed Josh in the counter, before angrily marching back to his place, foot tapping impatiently.

"Well, at least it means that my friends aren't the reason this is taking so long, right guys?", he asked, only to see them still shopping.

Well, Milo and Sara were. Melissa was basically a dead man walking, bored out of her mind.

"Guys?!", Zack sputtered in disbelief.

Milo, wearing a "I Stan Gay Statues and Pistachio Veterens" shirt, and who was debating with himself on whether to get "Raddest Chips" or "Dankest Chips", turned to face Zack.

"Oh, Hi Zack! What's up?", he asked cheerfully, waving at his infuriated friend.

Zack wanted to scream at this.

"Dudes! Are you seriously still buying things?"

Sara, with a sombrero and "It's 2009!" New Years glasses, popped up from another aisle. "Zack, we have some hard choices to make here!"

Doof then entered as well, dressed up like the Queen of England if she decided to be a hippie Smurf.

"Guys, I must ask: Is this too much?"

Sara and Milo turned enthusiastically to him.

"More like not enough!", they said, and Sara got out some Mascara.

"Ooh! Veronica uses that! And my daughter knows best!", he said, eyes closed proudly, before opening them up and raising a finger in the air. "That is, unless she's endangering herself, which is all the time, so really, I know best, but that sounds wrong, you know? Like, I've committed enough international incidents for that to be wrong."

"I don't know. Anyone could have done the one that happened last week!", Sara offered reassuringly.

"I don't know… The Make-Myself-Thicc-To-Protect-The-Earth's-Atmosphere-From-Aliens-And-Accidnetally-Scare-Everyone-Inator was probably one of my weaker ideas.", Doof admitted.

"You did stop that one mad titan!", Milo reminded with a smile.

"True.", Doof agreed.

"Guys?! We're gonna miss the show!", Zack said, and the group sheepishly joined them, Milo having to move Melissa, who had conked out.

"What's up with her?", Zack asked as they joined him in line.

"She muttered something about "Not being interested in Zack's fragile sense of self being shattered by a grocery store line" yet again, and then she started to doze off.", Milo explained as he tried to position Melissa.

Suddenly, Melissa, her eyes still closed, grabbed Milo, straightened him, and rested her head on his shoulder.

She resumed snoring happily, a tiny smile covering her face.

"Aw!", Sara reacted accordingly. "That is so sweet!", she said, taking a picture.

"Who are you sending that to?", Milo asked, a little embarrassed.

Sara scoffed. "No one!"

She then pressed send to her "Milolissa" group chat, which included her, Zack, Doof, Brigette, Martin, Richard, Cavendish, Dakota, Kris, Wally, Mort, Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Candace and Veronica.

"No one at all…", she said, wriggling her eyebrows mysteriously.

Milo gulped and looked over at Melissa, whose snores left a slightly cold (though not unpleasant) sensation on the back of his neck.

It was way better than the AC that Josh used.

Hold up, Josh is giving me a stink eye, let me rephrase that: The AC at Josh's is the best thing ever, and I shall have its babies.

For Milo, this was very odd.

If Melissa felt comfortable enough to rest her head on his shoulder in a public place…

Did that mean that she…

Felt safe with him?

Milo then laughed that off. "Don't be silly, me! She'd do it with anyone else!"

But still an odd but nice feeling stayed in is heart as they advanced a bit in line.

Zack looked at his phone.

"Huh. Dadvendish sent me a message a while ago. Wonder where he is."

"Probably arriving any minute now.", Doof said matter of factly.

Sara and Milo (and even Melissa) nodded.

"Yep.", Milo and Sara said.

Everyone hummed for a moment, waiting, when suddenly Cavendish popped out from Doof's mouth.

"KIDS AND DOOF! YOUR DADVENDISH NEEDS HELP!", he yelled, as Doof struggled to keep his mouth open.

"AAAAGHHHH!", the group shouted surprised, leaping in the air.

Josh quickly took out a sign saying "No Leaping In The Air".

Everyone froze in mid-air, and then immediately went back down to where they were.

"Well? Come on!", Cavendish called as he climbed out of Doof's mouth and ran outside.

The kids and Doof just shrugged and ran after him, after throwing some money at Josh's face.

* * *

"Welcome to The Breakfast Burrito Place, may I take your… Balthy!", Denise, the African American cashier called out, her curly hair bouncing side to side.

Cavendish sighed as he, Milo (who was grinning at the woman), Melissa (who was still waking up, her hand instinctively on Milo's shoulder), Zack (looking pretty sour, baseball hat covering his eyes), Sara (tapping out The Dr. Zone theme on a wall) and Doof (still resetting his jaw, which was badly out of place) stood in line.

"Yes, Denise, it is I, Balthazar Cavendish. Or, I guess, "Balthy".", he said, resigned to his fate.

"It's been too long! Where have you and Mr. Dakota been?", she said, a bright smile on her face.

While most people would get tired of serving the same person over and over, Denise had grown accustomed to the two odd gay time travellers who would frequently visit the establishment. In fact, she saw the two as close friends, and would frequently chat with them when they came.

"Oh, and I see you brought some of the kids!", she said with a welcoming smile.

"Hi, Ms. Denise!", the kids replied, to varying degrees of enthusiasm (From Zack to Milo, basically).

"Wow, you've been here so many times, your seating area is named after you!", Sara remarked, enthusiastically eying the place.

Cavendish let out a wry chuckle. "I guess you missed the statue outside."

Quick cut to a giant statue made out of black beans depicting Cavendish and Dakota.

Sara then smiled at her Dadvendish. "I guess you must have some really great memories of this place."

But Cavendish felt nothing as he stared at the place he had been to millions of times.

All he felt was a small sensation of fear. He wondered why.

As Denise led them to their table, she couldn't help but be surprised at the absence of two members.

"But if you don't mind me asking, Balthy: Where is Vinnie? And Amanda?"

Cavendish frowned as he sat down. "…Vinnie is on patrol. And Amanda couldn't come. Said she had some urgent matters with her parents."

Denise nodded. "Oh, so that's why you're so early!"

Then she lowered her voice as the kids and Doof sat down. "And you aren't at patrol because?…"

Cavendish really didn't want to answer the question, but he knew he didn't have much of a choice. "I kind of needed some… Time. To prepare for our date night!", he quickly said, to save the need for a conversation.

"Ah, I see! Well, I wish you two a great time!", she said with a beam, and she left back to her cashier stand, sending a waiter to their place.

Cavendish sighed as he sunk into the rubber cushions of the diner-esque seats that inhabited the bright orange restaurant, sitting alone in front of the kids and Doof.

"So…", the kids and Doof said, smiling. "You and Dadkota are having a date night?"

Cavendish scolded with an irritated huff. "What did I say about eavesdropping?"

"Not to do it unless it's related to shipping you with Dakota.", Sara said, prompting a laugh from Milo and a high five from Melissa.

Cavendish pinched the bridge of his nose as the waiter approached.

"You know, there is a serious reason as to why I gathered you all here.", he stated, trying to appear dignified.

"Balthy! How ya doin', man?", The Waiter asked, a pleasant smile on his face as he put an apron that said "Baby Make A Mess" around Cavendish's neck.

As the kids couldn't help but chortle with laughter at this, Cavendish's ears buzzed and his face turned beet red. "Not the time, Derek."

Derek, who looked like a fusion of Shia Labouf from "Even Stevens" and Agent Cody Banks (cue early 2000's nostalgia), rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Sorry, Balthy, but you ARE a messy eater."

"PASSIONATE, DEREK! PASSIONATE!", Cavendish protested as the kids laughed even more.

Doof tried to laugh, but his jaw was still out of place, so it sounded more like the anguished cries of a goose that failed law school and had to crash at their Mom's house.

Derek whipped out his notepad. "Since Vinnie isn't here, I guess you can order for yourself, Balthy."

"It's Mr. Cavendish to you, young man. You haven't earned nickname privileges like Ms. Denise.", Cavendish stated as he crossed his arms. "I shall have…"

Yet, for some reason, Cavendish didn't really know what he wanted.

"…I guess my guests can order for me.", he stated, looking off into the distance, trying to figure out this odd behavior he was exhibiting.

He loved getting to choose!

It was his hobby!

What is going on?

"Well, what will you fine gentleman have?", Derek asked politely.

"Classic Black Bean and Avocado!", Milo ordered. "Quick to assemble, so I can eat it before Murphy's Law acts up", he explained.

"Sweet Potato with Egg whites, Black Beans and Avocado. Unique, like me.", Zack said, which was a lie. He didn't think that at all.

"Chorizo, Red Pepper and Monterry Jack! Let's really feel that flavor!", Melissa said, a determined smile on her face as she leaned on the wall at the end of the couch.

She shot Milo a smug smile and a wink, and he couldn't help but blush for a moment.

How could anyone be so charismatic?

Sara cooed at the moment before turning her attention to the waiter. "Slow cooker pulled pork!"

Finally, Doof spoke up. "Um, I'll pass. Unless someone wants to feed me like a mother bird, you know, all regurgitating in the mouth and stuff."

Everyone recoiled with disgust.

"Yeah, I don't blame you.", Doof said, nodding.

"And Dadvendish will have what he always has: Ham, Egg and Green Chilly!", Milo offered.

"My kids know me so well!", Cavendish said with a tear, before quickly hiding it.

"Coming right up!", Derek said, and he skipped off to the kitchen.

"So… Not that we don't enjoy the outing, but what's up? You said there was an emergency, and the only thing that's in danger outside of my chances at happiness is your public perception.", Zack remarked, as he made an igloo out of the napkins.

"Your structural integrity could use some work. Might I recommend some bendy straws?", Doof suggested.

"You may.", Zack said, before hollering "BENDY STRAWS!"

Cavendish sighed. "I'm… Well, you see…"

He really started to feel the reality of the situation now.

As if his eyes were deceiving him, Sara seemed to turn into Dakota. "Hey, Balthy, what's tripping you, huh?"

Cavendish rubbed his eyes, trying to comprehend what he was seeing.

Milo also turned into Dakota. "Yeah, handsome. Is something on your "plate"?", he joked, showing a plate.

Both Dakota's giggled now.

"...That's it. I've gone bananas. Father was right. Other people are depraved, and social interaction will make you wish you weren't born.", Cavendish remarked, doubtful that this was actually his life.

"Like, yeah, man. What's wrong? Don't you want my hot, 40-something year old bod?", Doof-Kota said.

Cavendish gulped, uncertain of how to respond to all this.

"Um, no, I mean, yes, I mean, it's just…"

"Yeah, Balthy, why not? We're in love after all, no?", Melissa-Kota asked, fluttering gigantic eye lashes.

Cavendish held his arms in front of himself. "It's not like that! It's just… It's just…"

Why was it so hard to choose? Why was he so confused?

"I'm ready to accept your love. What about you?", Zack-kota asked, lying suggestively on the table.

Cavendish got up, tearing his hair out. "LET ME THINK!"

Suddenly, he opened his eyes and noticed that they were all staring at him, confused.

No Dakotas in sight.

All he could see was the egg on his face.

Literally.

"Sorry, Balthy, I mean, Mr. Cavendish. I'll get you a new one.", Derek apologized as he scooped up the remains of the burrito he dropped.

Cavendish sat down, utterly ashamed of himself. What was wrong with him?

"Dadvendish… Are you ok?", they all asked, concerned.

"You MUST leave him… And grow up, my boy…", his father's voice rang in his ears.

Cavendish sighed.

It was time to face facts.

"…No. I am not ok."

He looked down at the table, feeling absolutely terrible.

"Something is wrong with my relationship with Dakota. I feel… Like… Like…"

"OH MY GOD! Is one of you going to die?", Sara panicked, eyes in terror.

The kids and Doof began to panic.

Cavendish immediately tried to relax them. "What? No! Of course not! I'm in perfectly good health and so is Dakota!"

Somewhere out there, a doctor laughed. "Hilarious."

The kids and Doof relaxed.

"Hoo boy. That was close. I can't bare to lose a father figure.", Melissa said.

"Ditto.", Sara agreed.

"I mean, I don't know what how I would live with myself!", Milo admitted.

"I can't even begin to imagine that!", Zack said.

"…My father was a piece of crap.", Doof said, forlorn.

After the kids gave Doof a consoling hug, they went back to Cavendish.

"Then what is wrong?", they asked, visibly concerned for Cavendish.

Cavendish sighed again, feeling oddly…

Cold.

"I guess… The spark is missing. Like… It's not working like it used to."

He wasn't sure why…

But he wasn't going to go down without a fight.

"I want to save my relationship with him. Whatever the reason is, I can't give up. I…"

But he could only say like instead of love. "…I like him. A lot."

A tear ran down his boney cheek as he blew his nose on his coat tails.

Cavendish suddenly felt a comforting hand on his shoulder.

It was Milo, who smiled encouragingly. "Don't worry, Dadvendish. For you and Dadkota, we'd do anything!"

The others agreed vehemently. They would not let their new family collapse.

"Of course we'll help!", Melissa said, raising a fist pump.

"You guys help us all the time! It would be unfair not to help you back!", Zack remarked, smiling at his Dadvendish.

"I'm always up for some dating advice! Especially once a certain duo get together already.", Sara remarked as she pointed at Milo and Melissa, who didn't notice this gesture.

"I know, right? They're really dragging it.", he said, giving the author a knowing look.

"Honestly, you two are perhaps my only friends! I'll love to help! Just do the opposite of what I do! Otherwise, Dakota might run off with a whale! The less you ask about that, the better chances I have of not turning into a blubbering mess!", Doof remarked with a slap on Cavendish's back.

Cavendish normally found other people exhausting. Even Dakota would fail to cheer him up most of the time.

Cavendish also saw himself as a loner, and it was hard enough as it is to deal with all his problems AND ask for help.

He thought it made him look soft.

But…

He broke into a grateful smile.

"I… I don't know what to say…", he started, before getting hugged by all of them.

"Don't say anything. It's obvious.", they claimed, squeezing him with affection.

"I wonder why I was so afraid of this before… What could be my aversion to intimacy?", Cavendish wondered, but he let himself forget that for a second as the love of others allowed him to experience a very new and different feeling:

Surrender.

Suddenly, Doof spoke up.

"Hey, um, can we just go to the infirmary first? I think I heard something in my mouth snap."

* * *

A quick trip to the infirmary later, the kids and Doof helped Cavendish prepare for his big date.

"Whatever It Takes" by Lifehouse starts playing as Cavendish gets help.

_"__A strangled smile fell from your face_

_It kills me that I hurt you this way_

_The worst part is that I didn't even know_

_Now, there's a million reasons for you to go_

_But if you can find a reason to stay"_

Cavendish entered Sara's room and looked in the mirror, feeling forlorn. Sara turned him around and put him on a barber's chair, fashioning a lovely Tuxedo for him in an instant.

She gets him dressed up, and whistles for Milo, who shines the new black step shoes for a nickel.

Sara and Milo then manicure his nails, putting purple nail polish on it, which Cavendish disapproves of, making them laugh.

_"__I'll do whatever it takes" _

_"__To turn this around"_

_"__I know what's at stake"_

_"__I know that I've let you down."_

_"__And if you give me a chance"_

_"__Believe that I can change"_

_"__I'll keep us together whatever it takes."_

Zack, dressed up in a pinstrip suit, tries to teach Cavendish how to dance steps.

Cavendish tries his best, but he seems to have two left feet, and he flails around like a man on stilts.

Zack tries to help him, but Cavendish manages to crash into a wall, smash his head into a tree and get a bee hive stuck on it.

As he screams in pain, Zack shrugs, and "That's Our Dadvendish!" blares on the screen, followed by a live studio audience laugh track.

_"__She said, if we're gonna make this work"_

_"__You gotta let me inside even though it hurts"_

_"__Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"_

_"__She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be"_

_"__You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"_

Cavendish gets handed flowers, chocolates and a bandage for his bee sting wounds by Melissa and Doof.

Doof shows him a powerpoint presentation (which everyone else ignores) of what to do and not to do on this date. Cavendish attentively takes notes.

"The key to any healthy relationship is open and honest communication.", Melissa instructed as Cavendish sat on the couch, trying to ignore his own inner pain.

Melissa grabbed Milo, who seemed a bit flustered. "Take me and Milo for example. Though we'd never go out on a date, heavens no, clearly never, NEVER EVER EVER!", she suddenly shouted, looking nervous, before reverting to type. "If we did, hypothetically, in some mad, insane and illogical AU…"

Everyone glanced back at the screen with a raised eyebrow.

"…Then we would be honest with each other. If I'm feeling bad, or lonely, or even that there is some sort of missing spark in our relationship, I would say so. Get what I mean?", she said, winking at Cavendish.

Cavendish scratched his hat again, thinking out loud. "Um… You and Milo aren't a couple, that's what you were trying to say, right?"

Melissa shouted at him. "What?! No?! I mean, yes! Ugh!"

She took him aside for a second, narrowly avoiding a ceiling tile that fell.

"'Whoops! My bad!", Milo apologized.

"Or mine. We don't know.", Martin offered from the kitchen.

"And we never will…", Sara said, slowly sinking into the floor.

Cavendish and Melissa blinked in confusion before reverting to their conversation.

"Listen, ok? You say that something is missing. If Dadkota feels that too, it could lead to a healthy conversation where you two solve your problem without any unnecessary hijinks. Understand?", she asked, hoping she made herself clear.

Cavendish objected. "Melissa, I know your intentions are good, but if I do that, Dakota's feeling will be hurt!"

And while he didn't add it, Cavendish was worried that if he did say that, he might have to discover something bad about himself.

And Cavendish's ego could not suffer such a slant against itself!

He had to be in the right here!

It wasn't his fault! It couldn't be!

Melissa sighed. "Dadvendish, this is a bad idea…"

Cavendish pleaded. "Trust me, Melissa, please! I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I was the one in the wrong here!"

Melissa crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, unamused.

His features turned sympathetic as he confessed "And I can't bear to hurt Dakota like that. You know how hard he tries with everyone. If I gave him the impression that it was his fault…"

Cavendish was desperate to save his relationship, but he wasn't going to do it at his or Dakota's egos expense.

Melissa sighed, and decided to relent. "All right. But if I feel that you need to do it, you listen to me."

Cavendish nodded, and she playfully punched his arm. "Now go and finish preparing."

_ "__I'll do whatever it takes_

_To turn this around_

_I know what's at stake_

_I know that I've let you down_

_And if you give me a chance_

_And give me a break_

_I'll keep us together_

_I know you deserve much better"_

Cavendish took a deep breath as he stood in the doorway, being given last minute touch ups by the kids and Doof.

"Fold your sleeves! You'll look nicer!", Sara said, and she went to it.

"Don't forget to not step on his feet. Or your feet. Or anyone's feet. Especially mine. I just got them pedicured.", Zack said, before earning some odd looks.

"…All the tough guys do it, you know. It's trending on… ."

Melissa googled it. "Trust me, you don't want to know what's actually on that domain."

Everyone shuddered, and then went back to their plan.

"Don't talk about evil plans while you eat! It always turns them off, it's so boring, you know? Be yourself, but most importantly, do NOT be like me!", Doof advised.

"I'll try, Doof.", Cavendish said, with a small smile.

It would be hard to be like this complicated man, who was both incredibly irritating and yet somehow inspiring.

"Don't forget to do the right thing.", Melissa said, a knowing look on her face.

Cavendish nodded, though he himself wasn't sure what that was anymore. Especially with his fears that Dakota would be too romantic and gooey tonight.

Milo then popped up in front of Cavendish, hugging him.

"And most importantly: Don't worry. I'm sure it will all turn out for the best!"

As the others joined in the hug (which Cavendish felt uncomfortable in) and agreed to that sentiment, Cavendish couldn't help but wonder:

Would it?

* * *

Before tires had even made contact with road, Cavendish had been sure of one thing:

NOTHING could be more stressful than this date with Dakota.

But a few minutes into what should have been a simple taxi drive, Cavendish made a startling realization:

His children (and Doof) in a taxi was INFINITELY more stressful.

_"__I REMEMBER DAYS AND NIGHTS WERE NEVER COLD…"_

_"__HAD YOU IN MY LIFE I HAD YOU THERE TO HOLD!"_

Sara and Zack, perhaps having had one too many root beers, were singing, or as Cavendish would describe it, screeching like soul sucking banshees in a never ending chorus of pain and suffering, loudly to Brian McKnight's usually soothing melody "Show Me The Way Back To Your Heart".

"Yeah, more like "Show Me The Way Back To Hell", which would surely be better than this.", Cavendish thought, as he continued to hyperventilate into his paper bag, which contained a no longer desirable BLT sandwich.

It didn't help that sitting in the front seat next to him was a grungy, overweight and grizzly looking fellow, with stubble and cheeks so round they made a Squirel's cheeks look relatively normal.

Well, mostly.

Squireels are weird.

Milo, meanwhile, was literally bouncing in his seat, causing a small fire on it as he talked a storm.

"OHMYGODTHISCOFFEETHINGISNOTBADITSACTUALLYPRETTYFREAKINGOODLIKEITFEELSLIKEMYBRAINISDOINGTHECANCANANDTHESATSATTHESAMETIMEICANSMELLYOURFEARDADVENDISHALSOMELISSAHASPRETTYHAIRDOESNTSHEHAVEPRETTYHAIREVERYBODYHEYYOUEVERNOTICEHOWINSIGNIFICANTTHEHUMANRACEISMAYBEONEDAYILLBEABLETOFLYLIKEOURLAUNDREYDETERGENTWHICHINAMEDTIFFANYIFICOULDBEANYKINDOFBEARDIDBEOWLFROMWINNIETHEPOOHOHTHESAINTSGOMARCHINGINOHTHESAINTSGOMARCHINGINWOMENSRIGHTS!"

_"__AND I REMEMBER LOVE WARM AS A SUMMER DAY" _

_"__BUT I LOST YOU" _

_"__AND I LOST MY WAY!"_

Zack and Sara continued to "serenade", their loud voices causing the taxi to nearly swerve into a newsstand.

"Watch where you're going!", Cavendish bellowed, before realizing that the newsstand was staying still.

"Sorry! I wasn't aware that you weren't in motion!"

"Is ok! Happens all the time!", Ivan, the newsstand owner with malicious sideburns replied.

Cavendish scratched his head. "Wait, how does it happen all the time?", he asked himself.

Melissa, meanwhile, was thankfully, not mad with sugar.

She was, however, debating loudly with Doof on how Cavendish and Dakota's marriage should go down.

"NOW,I THINK YOU'LL AGREE WITH ME, A SACK RACE IS FINE, BUT A TO THE DEATH TRIVIAL PURSUIT…", Melissa offered loudly, popping some bubble gum loudly, some fragements of the gum getting into Cavendish's hair.

"MY PERFECT 'DO!", Cavendish cried, and he tried to take it out.

"Oh, this is going to take forever to stylize…", he thought, before suddenly feeling a giant pair of scissors cut bits of his hair out.

"DONE! YOU'RE WELCOME, CAVENDISH!", Doof screamed before returning his attention to Melissa.

"MY HAIR IS RUINED!", Cavendish squeeled.

"UH, DUDE, IT WAS RUINED BEFORE WE GOT HERE!", Melissa retorted with a smug grin.

"SING IT, SISTER!", Doof replied, and they shook their hips and high fived.

"ANYWAY, LET'S DO THAT TRIVIAL PURSIUT THING, BUT MINUS THE DEATH THING, IT'S KIND OF HARSH AND… EWW.", Doof said, waving his hands.

Melissa fired a finger gun. "NO ONE DIES, DUDE. WE JUST FORCE THEM TO WATCH "FOODFIGHT" ON LOOP."

Doof laughed. "YOU ARE EVIL, GIRL!"

Milo then laughed uncontrollably and pointed at Melissa. "THATSMYGIRLTHATSTHEPRETTIESTGIRLINTHEWORLDWAITDIDISAYTHATOHWELLITSNOTLIKEWEREGOINGTOSETTLETHISSOONSLOWBURNBOISANDGOILSWEREGOINGTORIDETHISMILOLISSAHYPETRAINTILLTHEENDYOUGETTHATDONTCOMEATMECOMEATTHEAUTHORCANWESTOPBYSOICANHAVEMORECOFFEE?"

"NO MORE COFFEE!", Cavendish screamed back, and in response, Milo stuck out his tongue.

Suddenly, he looked at his tongue. "OHWOWMYTONGUEISAZEBRAWHOSKEVIN?"

Cavendish rubbed his temples. "My head…"

_"__NOW I'M IN THE RAIN" _

_"__BEGGING YOU PLEASE PLEASE…"_

Cavendish tried to ignore the ranting and raving by looking outside, but the window only showed bright, nausea inducing neon lights, cars that seemed to be driving at warpspeed…

"LIGHTSPEEDTHANKYOUWEREDISNEY", Milo commented, and Melissa nodded.

"Dadvneidsh, you need to know your Star Treks from your brand owned IP's.", she said, and Cavendish turned back to her with a wild eye.

"I DON'T CARE! NO INTERRUPTING MY INNER MONOLOGUE!"

He turned back and vomited again into his bag, before dizzily lifting his head to notice all the stickers from the 2006 edition of the Disney Pixar storybook collection (you know, the one where Cars was the most recent film? They had that one story where the thing happens, and then someone kind of goes like this, and then, like, it ended) on the car window.

The scratched up, slightly faded copyright stock images of Lightning McQueen, Buzz Lightyear and Mr. Incredible suddenly all turned into his Dad, who gave him an unsatisfied huff. "Imagine how terrible the date is going to be when this cab ride has been a nightmare! Just take a Lorry back home and stop pretending to be someone you're not!"

"More like take a DORY home! Get it?", one of the Mr. Cavendish's, in a Dory sticker, nudged the Mr. Cavendish on the Marlin sticker.

"Not funny!", he bit back, and then all the stickers looked back at a fuming Cavendish.

"I've got to try! You don't know Dakota! He's so much better than you think he is!", he shot back, annoyed at his father's insistence that he give up.

He could still salvage this!

He deserved Dakota!

…

Right?

_"__BABY WON'T YOU SHOW ME THE WAY BACK TO YOUR HEART"_

_"__LET ME SEE A SIGN TO KNOW IF I'M CLOSE OR FAR" _

_"__LEAD ME BACK TO THE ROAD" _

_"__THAT LEADS BACK TO YOUR ARMS!"_

"Hey, Dadvendish, what do you think: Are fireworks saying "Love Story of the century" too much, or too little? Cause I think that we could level up to at least eon.", Melissa offered, as Doof also awaited an answer eagerly, taking an enthusiastic bite out of a giant celery stick coated in MandM's.

"YEAHDADVENDISHWHATDOYOUTHINKAREYOUGOINGTOSURVIVETHISSITCOMPROBLEMORISTHISSOMETHINGWAYMORESERIOUSANDTERRIFIYINGLIKEDAREISAYITACTUALDRAMATICRELEVANCEINACOMEDYSLICEOFLIFESHOWCOULDITBETHATACCTIONSHAVECONSEQUENCESANDTHATPEOPLECHANGEANDTHATFEELINGSFADEAWAYANDTHATTHECOLOROFHISHAIRHASBECOMELIKETHECOLOROFTHELEAVESANDTHATPERHAPSITISYOURFAULTANDTHATWEREGOINGTOMAKESHIPPERSCRY?"

The madness behind him, coupled with his insecurities inside and his father on the window made Cavendish vomit again into the bag.

As he pinched his nose from the smell, Cavendish suddenly lost possession of the bag, as the taxi driver took it and threw it into a makeshift recycling bin made out of broken dreams, overdue bills and broken recycle bins.

"First time with kids in a taxi?", the driver asked, with a spry laugh as he dodged a parade procession dedicated to "Scott Pilgrim Vs The World".

"Why, yes! How did you know, pray tell?", Cavendish asked, holding on to his hat as the taxi started to rattle and shake as it drove over Rakes and Hoes All Over The Goddamn lane.

"It's as clear as your fears of making your father accept your sexuality!", the driver responded as the car bounced up onto a building.

"How are you used to this? It's life draining!", Cavendish asked, befuddled, as the car jumped over one building to the next by use of vines.

"Oh, kids come here all the time! Those carpets below us?"

"You mean the rainbow ones, that smell like death and expired pizza, and nearly removed my finger when I touched them?", Cavendish asked, rubbing his still painful finger, that was nearly ripped off the bone.

"Them carpets were white before I started!"

Cavendish gulped as the driver chortled, the taxi now hitching a ride on a whale with a hat.

"Look, it's real easy: You just come prepared! I've got candy in the front, horses in the back…"

"Why would you need horses in the back?", Cavendish asked, again bewildered by this wild ride.

"Kids like ponies and memes!"

"But that song won't come out until December 2018! And it won't get popular until 2019! This is 2017! This feels like a real stretch for a reference!"

"Ask the author, not me!"

As Cavendish glared at the author, the taxi started skidding to a stop, nearly at its destination, as it hopped across the road.

"I am terribly sorry for their behavior, they are usually way better than this.", Cavendish said, feeling a scolding coming up from his throat.

Oh, wait, no, it's another puke.

Just a moment.

Ok, he's back.

The taxi driver waved it off, a surprisingly soft expression complimented by his bulbous cheeks and tiny pupils.

"It's ok! Family can drive you nuts, but that's kind of the point! You'd do anything for them, because you just care so much about them!"

Cavendish tried to digest that last sentence. What could he have meant?

Why, of course he'd do anything for them! They were his family! His friends!

…

Well, he would, right?

I mean, sure, he wouldn't go so far as to die for them, or go somewhere annoying for them, or live with them (Dakota was hard enough), so…

Wait…

Is that proof that he wouldn't do anything?

…

But Dakota would.

Dakota would do anything for a random stranger, for Christ's sake!

…

What did that mean, then?

Was he…

"Am I…"

"…Am I not good enough for…"

But Cavendish couldn't finish that thought, as the taxi suddenly stopped next to Chez Chaz, the fancy restaurant bright and inviting, yet Cavendish felt nothing but distress now.

Was this a fruitless endeavor?

Was this only going to make things worse?

And was this going to make Cavendish confront some ugly truths?

As the kids left, thanking the taxi driver, Milo (now calm) looked in the taxi for Cavendish.

"Um… Excuse me, giant looking person, but where's our Dadvendish?"

The driver looked inside.

"That's weird: He was right next to me."

Suddenly, Melissa stared in again, and, tongue sticking out, she searched through the seat cushions.

A few moments later, and she fished out a shaking Cavendish, who had a mad look in his eyes.

"I CAN'T DO THIS! SEND ME BACK TO MY MUMMY AND DADDY! FACING MY OWN FLAWS AND HAVING TO LEARN LIFE LESSONS IS THE WORST!"

"You still have to do it!", Melissa said strictly, and she wrestled him out, before paying the driver.

"Pleasure doing business with you! Good luck with your wham episode!", the driver wished, and he drove off, laughing madly.

Cavendish held onto Melissa's leg. "I don't want to be a responsible adult!"

Melissa smiled smugly. "Ok. Doof, you're in charge!"

Doof started to dance wildly, flailing his arms all over the place. "Finally! It's Doof's time to shine!"

Cavendish gasped and he shoved Doof aside. "Challenging my ego AND my conscience? Clever girl."

He looked her down as she smirked. "Too clever."

"What can I say? I'm Melissa Freakin' Chase."

Cavendish sighed. "Fine. I guess I have to do this."

He turned towards the restaurant and its blinding lights and serene tables filled with laughter and joy, filled with happy couples…

Supporting each other.

"I have to go to Dakota and prove that I'm not just some kind of egotistical self centered jerk. That he's my equal in this relationship. That I truly love him, and I'm in no question afraid of my identity, sexual and societal. That I am 100% committed to him as a friend and as a lover. That I'm not that bad. That I'm there for him. As he's always been for me. In a sense, today I discover wheter I am a good man or not, and wheter I deserve love or not."

"Very poignant.", Zack remarked.

"BEAUTIFUL!", Sara cried, blowing her nose on a giant tissue.

"Quite eloquent, if a little too thickly delivered for the audience.", Doof commented.

"That's the spirit, Dadvendish! Show the world that you don't suck!", Milo encouraged.

"Well put, Dadvendish.", Melissa said with a supportive smile.

"Yes…", Cavendish started, and then he ran off.

"I CAN'T! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! I'M NOT READY! I NEVER GOT TO SEE PARIS!"

The city of Paris suddenly drove by.

"Here, take a gander, I'm quite decent, now go out there and think about someone else for a change!"

Paris spat on the road.

"Putz."

And it drove away.

Cavendish huffed. "Well, I thought it would be a lot nicer."

"Yeah, yeah, everything is a disappointment, now get in there!", Melissa ordered, and they dragged him into there, slow-mo shot of all of them as Bernie McKnight's "Show Me The Way Back To Your Heart" played at full volume.

_"__Every night another lonely street" _

_"__I walk down alone" _

_"__Searching for a light" _

_"__Your light to lead me home" _

_"__Leave a candle in the window"_

_"__And let it shine for me"_

_"__Take my hand and take these tears away"_

_"__I can't take the pain"_

_"__I'm on my knees begging you please"_

_"__Take my hand"_

_"__Take me in your arms"_

_"__I'm out in the dark" _

_"__Down on my knees, begging you please"_

_"__Take my hand"_

_"__I remember days and nights were never cold" _

_"__Had you in my life I had you there to hold"_

_"__And I remember love warm as a summer day"_

_"__But I lost you"_

_"__And I lost my way"_

_"__Now I'm in the rain"_

_"__Begging you please please"_

_"__Baby won't you show me the way back to your heart"_

_"__Let me see a sign to know if I'm close or far"_

_"__Lead me back to the road"_

_"__That leads back to your arms"_

Finally, they entered the restaurant, and, after making sure that their table was still reserved, they all hid behind a bush, waiting for Dakota to appear.

"This kind of situation feels familiar…", Doof admitted, pondering the curious feeling of déjà vu.

Sara and Melissa nodded. "Yeah, very familiar."

"Almost like we've spied on a date to help someone before in this very restaurant, but it was, like, a different universe.", Zack continued.

Suddenly, a making out Milo and Amanda appeared out of nowhere, only to notice where they were.

"Whoops! Must have activated Cavendish and Dakota's universal transporter again!", Milo from the Jinx and The Perfectionist AU said sheepishly, holding a small, beige remote that had a big red button on it, alongside a small meter of what number world they were on.

In this particular case, it was World Number 2.

Amanda playfully flicked his nose. "Silly Milo… We were told not to touch that! That thing is nearly out of commission!"

They pressed the button again whilst kissing and disappeared back to their world.

Everyone but Cavendish (whose eyes were closed in fear) stared agape for a while before continuing.

"Ok, so Dadkota will be here any minute. Are you ready?", Melissa asked as she opened Cavendish's eyes wide.

"I hope…", Cavendish muttered as Sara massaged his shoulders and Doof sprayed him with cologn.

"All dressed?", Sara asked, observing Cavendish's tux.

"Yes."

"All clean?", Zack asked, painting Cavendish's nails with the purple nail polish.

Cavendish snatched at the bottle and glared at Zack. "Yes."

Zack smiled sheepishly, and took the bottle back.

"Emotionally prepared?", Milo asked, running his hands through Cavendish's hair.

"Not at all. I feel like the butterflies in my stomach are having a kamikaze ambush on my clammy hands. I could probably blow up right now, and my splitting headache is now playing heavy metal covers of nails on a chalkboard. Also, this pigeon looking in the trash is telling me to stop pretending to be a pansy."

"Leave the fruit for the nutritonists!", the pigeon demanded.

The kids and Doof picked Cavendish up and glared at him.

"Ok, I get that I might be coming off like a jerk here, but this is hard for me! I should not be having any problems! I'm Balthazar Cavendish, and I am better than this…"

Suddenly, Cavendish was crushed by a loving hug from his family.

It felt so… Oddly warm, and comforting.

Cavendish wasn't sure that he had ever felt such a hug before.

It was like nothing he had ever received.

But…

It felt nice.

Cavendish teared up a bit, before quickly wiping the tears off.

"…Thank you.", he said, and Milo and Melissa dragged him in as Sara, Doof and Zack gave him thumbs ups.

"It's ok, Dadvendish. Just remember: You need to be there for Dadkota.", Milo said, but Cavendish couldn't help but wonder if he could be there for Dakota.

Maybe…

Could it be that he was so selfish that he couldn't give Dakota the love he deserves?

Surely not!

…

Right?

* * *

As he slowly approached his appointed table, Milo and Melissa stayed for a moment, satisfied.

"We are doing an excellent job!", Melissa said, happy that things were going according to plan.

"Yeah! Dadvendish will learn to think of others and also not be so afraid of love and his sexual identity, and everything will be fine!", Milo said, confident and optimistic as ever.

"If you think so, Milo, then we're definitely in the green!", Melissa happily concurred, but just before they could leave…

"Monsieur! Mademoiselle!", a waiter approached, taking their hands.

"Uh, who are you?", Melissa asked, while Milo blinked in confusion.

"Why, you came here to dine, no? I'm sorry we have no vacant table inside, but outside is more romantic, no?", he asked with a saucy smile.

Milo and Melissa suddenly turned as pale as the table cloths that were dangerously close to being theirs now.

"Um… Could you say that again, but, like, this time can it make some semblance of sense?", Milo asked, but he and Melissa were already being seated.

"Why, of course you are a young couple looking for amour! Unless you actually thought that you could come in to this establishment and do something as silly as spy on the dates?", the waiter said with a serious glare.

Milo and Melissa gulped.

"Just tell him we're leaving, we'll hide, Melissa…"

But Milo couldn't finish, 'cause Melissa, embarrassed, flustered and terrified more than she had ever been in her whole life, did something she never did: She panicked.

"OF COURSE WE ARE DATING! LOOK AT HOW IN LOVE WE ARE! WE'LL JUST SIT! YOU KNOW WHAT LOVE DOES TO YOU! MAKES YOU FORGET PREVIOUS ENGAGMENTS IN FANCY FRENCH RESTAURUNTS!", Melissa said with a voice that could pierce a battleship.

As the waiter left them with menus, Milo looked at Melissa with the look of a deer in the headlights, having learned that he's on a "date" with the doe that has been his best friend since he was 6 because no one else wanted to spend time with Milo Deerphy, the deer with bad luck.

"Um, Melissa… You realize that we now have to pretend that we are…In love and stuff?"

Melissa, looking pretty petrified as well, tried to calm them down. "Don't worry, Milo! We just have to pretend when he's here!"

She then leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Besides, Dadvendish and Dadkota need our help! And look at the perfect view we have of them from here!"

Milo had to admit: It was a perfect view.

And the window that showed Cavendish alone at a table was also pretty nice.

"Ok… But… When we do have to pretend… You know that I mean none of it, right?", Milo asked, gulping.

Melissa giggled, which made Milo's heart skip a beat.

"Oh, obviously! We're not in love! What kind of idiot would think that?", Melissa asked, and Milo, feeling reassured, laughed too, when suddenly…

"Monseiur! Madamoiselle! Have you ordered anything yet?", the waiter suddenly asked, causing Milo to jump onto Melissa's arms.

As he got down, Milo made up a lie on the spot. "Uh… No! Because…"

He grabbed hold of her arms, causing her to jolt and blush.

"I… I was just gazing into her eyes, and I totally forgot! Forgive me, love makes you do crazy things!", Milo said, smiling.

The waiter laughed, brandishing a giant chainsaw and hockey mask, dripping with blood. "How true…", he said, laughing maniacally and abruptly stopping.

"Carry on, love birds!", he said, leaving.

Melissa sighed in relief as she looked at him leave. "Ok, Milo, he's gone."

They stayed like that for a moment, before noticing that they were still holding each other's hands.

"Oh… Sorry…", Milo said, and he let go.

But the soft smiles and faint blushes on their faces said something else.

* * *

"Oh, where is he?", Cavendish thought, tapping his foot and looking at his Yu Gi Oh watch.

"It's time to dddddddddddddd-duel!", it said as it showed the time to be "DATE TIME!"

"Here I am, risking my fragile self esteem and status quo, and he has the audacity to be late!", Cavendish whined, crossing his arms, wrinkling his tux.

The establishment was quite fanciful, red walls and classical music adorning its mahagony frames.

The guests were all refined gentlemen and women, dressed to impress, receiving lavish meals from snooty waiters.

It was a very self important place, and Cavendish felt out of place, worried that Dakota being late would make him look foolish.

…And here he was again, thinking just of himself.

"I'm telling you, boy, give this charade up and be a man!", Cavendish's father, appearing in the reflection of Cavendish's wine glass, ordered again, his face now slightly stretched.

"Quiet, Father! I want to do this for him! Please, at least let me try to be good enough!"

Cavendish sighed. "Though, honestly, it seems that he doesn't care. Did I really do all this for nothing? I should have stayed at home."

Cavendish got up, feeling nothing.

"This was foolish to begin with. I could never…"

"Hey, Balthy."

Cavendish looked up, and his eyes widened like pie holes: Dakota was standing in front of him, in a lovely orange dress, ruffles galore, twirling as he walked up.

He had fixed his hair a bit, he had applied some makeup it seemed, and he had the brightest smile, a smile that was clearly compensating for the pain and doubt in his heart.

"…Wow.", Cavendish breathed as Dakota sat.

"…What do you think? I hope… I hope I didn't overdo it, I just wanted to… To be pretty for you.", Dakota said, blushing madly and playing with his fork.

Cavendish gulped.

Could he ever earn the love of someone as beautiful as Dakota?

Dakota sat down, carefully arranging his dress as he positioned himself on the seat.

His shoes met Cavendish's, and for a moment he attempted to play footsy with him, but Cavendish once again didn't respond.

"So… Um…"

Dakota seemed hesitant to ask again, but he knew it would be nagging him.

And he really wanted to know if he had succeeded.

"Do you…. Like it?", Dakota ventured, his grubby fingers holding each other, seemingly protecting each other from the potentially bad news. "I… Asked, but you didn't answer."

Cavendish looked up from the VERY interesting smudge on the floor and back at Dakota, but he wasn't sure what to say.

"Um…"

He did LIKE the dress…

But a twinge of fear showed up in his throat as he tried to wrestle the words out.

Why couldn't he go the extra mile and tell him what he thought?

"Because you're not supposed to… A man does not bother himself with frilly dresses…"

Cavendish really wanted to shush his subconscious, but this was proving a hard task.

He could tell Dakota that he liked it…

But should he?

As this internal debate waged on, Dakota let out an awkward cough.

"Balthy… Testing, 1, 2, testing… You there, dear?", he jokingly asked, pretending to radio his friend with a fork and a knife as antenna.

"Come on, Balthy… Try…", Dakota wished, his heart hoping for some sort of answer.

Some sort of hope.

Cavendish, realizing that he was already ruining things, tried his best to choke out a response.

"It looks…", he started, but again, he feared over exposing. Over sharing.

Over feeling.

Affection… Compassion…

Love…

They were foregin concepts to him, ironic as it was for a hero for hire.

Perhaps he feared the response…

The rejection…

Perhaps he feared the public conception…

The image…

But most frightening of all…

Perhaps he feared the ugly truth…

That maybe…

Just maybe…

He didn't deserve love.

Cavendish swallowed his spit as he began to feel the all encompassing fear envelope him…

How easy it would be to not feel…

To ignore the heart and listen to the brain…

But a part of him, however silenced, still fought for Dakota…

For his heart…

"It looks… Nice."

It was the most he could do.

Unfortunately, it was not enough.

Dakota sighed and, eyes dropping, he bit his bottom lip. "…Ok."

They sat in silence, now knowing what to do.

"I must do something!", Cavendish thought, the battle of emotions in his soul waging on. "I must do something for my friend!"

Deciding to take a page from Dakota's book, Cavendish leaned his elbow on the table and fluttered his eyes. "It looks nice… But what dress could ever truly compliment the absolute… Animal magnetism you possess."

Dakota's eyes widened, surprised by this sudden mood change.

But not totally against it either.

"Oh… I didn't realize you think that…", Dakota said, a small blush developing on his cheeks.

It had been so long since he heard a compliment from Cavendish!

Cavendish knew he had to keep it up, so he continued to charm.

"Yes… I most definitely do… Since our intercourse is very… Lit."

Dakota now raised an eyebrow. "…What?"

Cavendish panicked. He was losing him! "Ah, wait, no… I mean… I like your…"

"Think, man, think! You've spent 8 years with him, you must like something!"

He eyed Dakota's whole body and said the first thing that came to his mouth: "Your… Spleen."

Dakota stared at him in silent shock. "…My spleen?"

Cavendish kept on digging. "Yes! 'Tis very… Spleeny."

Dakota, unsure of where this was headed, tried to shoot back a compliment that might salvage the evening. "Thanks? I find your…Lymphatic system quite sexy too…"

The two laughed for a moment…

And then resumed awkwardly staring at anything but each other.

"Come on, Cav! You have no actual compliments for me?", Dakota thought, saddened as he folded his napkin into an origami statue of Ophelia from Hamlet.

He looked back at Cavendish, and he was disappointed to see him distracted yet again, muttering under his breath at his wine glass.

Dakota sighed and covered his head with his hands, the emotional hurt he was taking from his partner taking its toll on him.

Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Excuse me, sir, but I believe that the menu is in my hands, not on the table."

Dakota looked up and found a familiar face, but one he could not put his finger on.

It was a young looking face, brown cowlick and blue eyes, with freckles and soft skin, that felt like it could be cracked with the simplest touch.

And there was another thing, something that Dakota couldn't quite decipher, but felt a lot like…

Reverence.

"Oh, my bad!", Dakota apologized, trying his best to save face.

He looked over at Cavendish, who was still debating with his wine glass, his nostrils flaring and his eyes narrowing.

Perhaps a self deprecating joke would attract his attention…

"Hey, Balthy! I thought the menu was on the table! Silly old Vinnie, eh?", Dakota joked with a forced, pleading smile, but Cavendish could only nod.

"Just a moment, Dakota. I'm having quite the irritating conversation."

As Cavendish resumed his seeming insanity, Dakota sighed and looked up at the waiter. "Thanks for the menus, kid."

Suddenly, the waiter gestured with his head to follow him.

Dakota was surprised at this, but he reasoned that following the kid would be better than to question him.

Besides, maybe he was getting a reward after all the suffering he had undergone.

Dakota followed the kid to a corner next to the large, ivory piano that was belting out the smoothest of smooth jazzes.

Dakota took a moment to appreciate the corner: Chez Chaz was so fancy, that they had their corners look nice!

Even the piano stool pillow was embroidened and clearly expensive.

Dakota's attention then returned to the waiter, who seemed a little nervous and shy.

Almost like he was talking to someone important.

"Well, I definitely don't feel important…", Dakota sadly thought as the waiter extended his hand quite suddenly, a little flustered now.

"Um… Hi.", he said, smiling that worried but kind of endearing toothy grin.

"His eyes kind of danced when he smiled", thought Dakota, and he slowly extended his hand in return, a little confused.

"Um… Hi."

They stood there for a second, the kid a little excited and Dakota still a little puzzled at this "talk".

"Um… No offense, but I really don't know why we're doing this.", Dakota said, before adding half jokingly half sadly "Though I will admit that this is a way more pleasant conversation than the one I was having back there."

The kid laughed for a second, only to apologize. "Sorry, I shouldn't have expected you to remember me."

The kid now got a little embarrassed, and he rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry to bother you, it's just… Well…"

He looked at Dakota in the eyes, a warm smile on his lips. "You came here… More than a year ago… Remember?"

Dakota nodded, remembering that day very well. "Yeah, I remember. I was with a woman with a silver dress and long black hair. How do you remember that, though?"

The kid crossed his arms, still a little shy. "Well… You remember that there was a kid… Working his first day there… And he dropped the dishes… And you… You helped me."

Dakota now suddenly remembered, and a big smile spread on his face. "Oh, yeah!"

He chuckled. "I assume that's you."

The kid laughed nervously. "Yep. That's me."

Dakota nodded lightly and extended his hand again, now passionate. "Well, good to meet you. Vinnie Dakota."

The kid shook back, a little excitedly. "Peter Parker."

He then continued to shake his hand, a little too long. "Man, you really helped me that day. I… Well, I took what you said to heart, and well… I'm still here!"

Dakota smiled. "Well done. Told you it was just first day jitters."

Peter thanked him again. "Well, just… Thank you… For what you did."

Dakota shook his head. "Don't. It was the right thing to do."

Peter shrugged. "I don't know, Mr. Dakota. Most people wouldn't have done that."

Dakota put his hand on the kids shoulder, now serious. "Well… They should."

"So… Is it going well? No dishes dropped?", Dakota joked, a wry smile on his face.

Peter shook his head with a smile. "Nope! I'm… I'm doing well."

"Good."

Dakota was about to turn, when Peter turned him back. "Um… Sorry, again, to bother you…"

"Kid, you gotta stop apologizing. That's not healthy. You have a voice too.", Dakota taught, and Peter nodded.

"Ok, got it. Sorry…", Peter started, before realizing he was apologizing. "Oh, wait, I wasn't supposed to say that, sorry…"

Peter moaned and Dakota chuckled. "Don't worry, kid, you'll get it down. Now, what did you want to ask?"

Peter gestured for Dakota to come closer and he whispered in his ear. "Well… I couldn't help but notice that you were having problems with your date…"

Dakota sighed, suddenly remembering the source of his sadness. The unexpected meeting with the kid had managed to cloud his mind for a moment. "Uh, yeah… Well, that's how it is. Maybe it will improve…"

"Well, I might know how to make sure it improves."

Dakota raised an eyebrow, curious now. "Go on…"

Peter gestured outside. "Every Tuesday, we have a dancing section outside for the guests, but our usual DJ got sick, and they thought of cancelling it. However, I am pretty skilled."

Dakota shook his, understanding but refusing the gesture. "Kid, that's awfully nice of you, really. But it's fine. Balthy and I always find a way in the end."

Peter insisted. "Please, Mr. Dakota, I want to help. You may see what you did for me as small and insignificant, but…"

A small frown appeared on his face as he remembered a painful memory, its resurfacing bringing him down. "…I needed to hear that… That day."

Dakota didn't know what was up, but he could tell a sad case when he saw one.

"Even if it doesn't work… It will give him a much needed confidence boost… Beside… It's a kind gesture. That should always be encouraged."

Dakota put his hand on Peter's shoulder and relented. "Ok, kid. Go and do your best."

"I'm telling you it's a good… Wait, really?", Peter asked, surprised. "You agree?"

Dakota smiled warmly. "Kid… You've got heart. That should be encouraged."

"Oh, thank you! I won't let you down! I just really wanted to return the favor you gave me!", Peter said, happy to help.

"Don't mention it." Dakota began to turn, when suddenly, he felt the urge to say something important.

"But just remember…", he started, a serious look in his eyes. "You can't just help everyone willy nilly. You can't just enter people's lives because you think you can help. You gotta know you can help, choose the right battles, and always do what's right because it's what's right."

He then said a sentence he had no idea would change the boy's life completely.

"Remember… With great power… Comes great responsibility…"

The kid nodded slowly, understanding the powerful words uttered by Dakota.

Dakota then winked and shot a finger gun at the kid, as he started to leave…

Only for another waiter to stop him.

"Excuse me, but are you Vinnie Dakota?", a waiter asked.

"I'm really popular today. Must be my scorching good looks and impeccable public image.", Dakota joked at the waiter, who shook his head.

"Not quite."

Dakota listened as the older, more experienced waiter talked. "You came here last year with a lady, am I right?"

Dakota nodded. "Bingo."

The waiter continued, a little carefully. "And if I am right… Said lady ran into the men's room that night, crying?"

Dakota nodded again, a little uneasy. "Yes… And I'd say that's none of your business."

Dakota began to leave. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to run back to my disastrously depressing date. Can't miss the inevitable heartbreak."

But the waiter stopped Dakota, prompting an odd stare from Dakota. "Um… Excuse me, but you are kind of stopping me from… What's the word, um, living?"

The waiter explained himself. "I waited your table that night, and, I must admit, I behaved quite…"

Dakota, remembering the waiter, cocked his eyebrow. "Dickishly? Like a dick? And I mean the body sausage, not the name."

The waiter sighed, a little embarrassed. "A boorish, if apt term, sir."

He bit his bottom lip. "I just wanted to apologize for my behavior that night. I'd unintentionally overhead your conversation with the lady, and I must say… I had misjudged you."

Dakota's eyed widened. This was quite the surprising night. He wondered what other surprises were in store…

And if they would stay pleasant?

"And I couldn't help but notice that things were… Less than stellar with your date?"

"You manage to not help yourself to notice a lot, huh?", Dakota quipped with a saucy grin, before listening to the waiter.

"Apparently. Anyhow, I was hoping I could perhaps, as an apology and a gesture of help, offer you the meal on the house, with the best of our illustrious menu?"

Now Dakota was really surprised, and his mouth fell agape.

"Sir, you sort of have something open there. I'd advise to close it before something goes in there."

"Duely noted.", Dakota said, and he closed his mouth.

"But geez… I… I don't know what to say…", Dakota said, the unexpected acts of kindness overwhelming, but also enchanting.

The waiter smiled softly. "Don't. You are a… Good man. And I want to give you what you deserve."

Dakota opened his mouth to protest, but then decided to surrender. "I… Thank you."

"A pleasure, I assure you."

Dakota started back off to his table, feeling happy that his actions had helped others, but sad…

Since he felt that the one person he wanted to help most was lost forever.

Was there any hope…

Or would Dakota lose Cavendish for good this time?

Tears filled his eyes as he sat back down, looking at a strangely happy Cavendish…

Now, we should rewind to see what Cavendish was going through during that time…

A FEW MINUTES EARLIER…

Dakota got up to talk to the kid, but Cavendish didn't even notice, so busy he was with his conversation.

"Why are you doing this to me?", Cavendish protested, feeling hurt inside.

"My boy, you are making the wrong choice! How many times must I remind you: Men don't need anyone else but themselves. You are over reliant on others!", his father's head voiced displeasure from the wine glass.

Cavendish grunted. "You keep saying that, but I am not! Why, I barely talk to the ones I love! I spend most of my time sulking alone these days!"

Suddenly, Cavendish realized what a weird flex that was.

But he was too prideful to acknowledge it.

"What do you know? Mother and you have had a terrible marriage, and you haven't done anything since retiring from the Bureau."

Cavendish's father huffed. "I know a lot more than you care to acknowledge. And you care about my opinion a lot more than you are willing to admit."

Cavendish crossed his arms. "Even if that is true, it does not make you right this time! What is wrong with me trying to reignite my love for Dakota?"

"Because deep down, you know why it's gone wrong."

Suddenly, Cavendish's father took a different approach, an almost sympathetic one, as his eyes burned a hole in Cavendish's conscious.

"I… I don't know what you're talking about."

Cavendish pouted, refusing to surrender, refusing to admit it.

He couldn't!

He shouldn't!

He mustn't!

"…Son…"

Cavendish's father's face began changing, and the good part of Cavendish's soul started to come out, the face slowly changing and morphing into a smaller, more folksy face.

"…Balthazar…"

Cavendish refused to meet the spirits eyes.

"You know why. You're the one isolating yourself from the others."

"I am not! I spend time with them all the time! You know how hard that is?", Cavendish countered.

The face kept changing, becoming more familiar as it morphed. "Cavendish, you know it's true! You keep avoiding conversations and hang outs, you keep shutting down every gesture Dakota tries…"

"I'm just not always comfortable with them, that's all!"

But Cavendish was getting uneasy.

"Cavendish… When was the last time you willingly spent time with your family? Your real family?"

Cavendish stuttered. "Um… Not last Tuesday… Perhaps… A month ago… Or… Well…"

"When was the last time that you really let Dakota be affectionate? When was the last time you really felt your connection with him?"

"It wasn't so long ago! This is not an issue, it's just a minor setback!"

"Balthy…"

The face finally changed into Dakota's, soft and loving despite the pain.

"When was the last time you let Dakota love you? Let anyone love you?"

Cavendish gulped.

"That's… That's not true…"

"It is. You fear intimacy, your fear admitting that you are at fault…"

"I am never at fault, and I have no fear of intimacy! Why, just last week, Dakota's hand touched my leg and I didn't pee myself!"

Dakota's head continued. "You fear letting your father down…"

Cavendish gulped. "Fine… That much is true…"

"But most of all… You make one, terrible mistake."

Cavendish listened intently, wondering what it is.

"You want to be loved so much… That you refuse to accept it. You fear that you are not good enough, that you are not living up to who you want to be, and because of this, you refuse to love back… Because you fear hurting the ones you love."

Cavendish shook his head vehemently. Why, the very notion!

"How dare you accuse me of that?! I am not afraid, why, I deserve love! And I will give ALL the love, do you hear me, you ruffian? ALL the love! I will show you, you reflection of my partner's head in a wine glass: I AM good enough for Dakota!", he cried.

And with that, he puffed up his chest and saw Dakota coming.

"There! Now's my chance to dispel this silly notion once and for all!"

* * *

"So, how's it going in there?", Melissa asked, craning her neck to see the window, her vision obstructed by Milo's weirdly long back of his neck.

Milo tried to look inside the window, but with all the passing guests and waiters, it was note easy.

"It's hard to see… For a while, Dadkota was just standing next to some kid… And Dadvendish seemed to be talking to his wine glass…"

Melissa face palmed. "Great, he's spiraling!"

Milo looked back with hopeful eyes. "Oh, don't worry, Melissa! I'm sure they're fine!"

Suddenly, the table shook and the two kids did too as Cavendish's voice carried through the window.

"How dare you accuse me of that?! I am not afraid, why, I deserve love! And I will give ALL the love, do you hear me, you ruffian? ALL the love! I will show you, you reflection of my partner's head in a wine glass: I AM good enough for Dakota!"

Milo and Melissa shared an alarmed glance.

"Never mind, he's screwed.", Milo said, actually worried for once.

Melissa started getting up. "We better get in there now! Milo, throw me through the window!"

"Melissa, are you sure? Last time…"

"Last time was a fluke! Sure, I broke my hand, spilled hot soup on someone and got grounded for almost a year, but I bet it won't happen this time!"

"Sucker bet…", Zack whispered to Sara and Doof, still hiding behind a bush and enjoying the Milolissa drama.

"Melissa, seriously…", Milo said, but Melissa was already on the table.

She gave him a questioning look, hands on her hips. "Milo, don't make me use the doe eyes."

Milo closed his eyes. "Nuh uh, you can't make me! My eyes are closed!"

Melissa smirked. "All right, then I guess I'll just… OH, HI VERONICA!"

Milo opened his eyes, excited. "Veronica? You're here? Oh, I've missed you so…", only to be face to face with Melissa's doe eyes.

"Come on, handsome…", she whispered, making Milo blush. "You know you want me to help Dadvendish and Dadkota."

"Not like this!", Milo said, but the pull of her eyes was irresistible.

"Pwease, Milo? I'll be so happy…", she said again, fluttering her eye lids.

"I like happy Melissa… But…"

But before Milo could answer, their waiter came back, now dressed like Richard Nixon.

"Ah, young lovers! How is it going? Have you ordered yet? It's been a while!"

Melissa, realizing she was standing on a fancy table, backflipped to her chair, Zack, Sara and Doof lifting "10" signs up in the air.

"Oh, hey, waiter! Sorry, I was just…", she stumbled for an excuse, only for Milo to swoop in and save her.

"She was just telling me how pretty my eyes are!", Milo said, his voice cracking. "But, like, that's stupid! Her eyes are way prettier…"

And suddenly, a grain of truth slipped in. "They're like calming waves, an ocean of love that promises me that I'll always be safe…"

A small smile formed on his lips, and Melissa soon repeated the gesture. "Why, yes, that is true. But, I mean, my eyes are nothing like your… Your…"

And another grain of truth popped out, this time from Melissa. "Your wonderful smile, a smile that gives me hope… That it will all work out in the end…"

The waiter cooed as the two kids smiled at each other, warmth entering their cheeks.

"How precious! I must ask: How did you two lovebirds first know?"

Milo and Melissa turned to him, confused. "Know what?"

The waiter laughed. "Why, that you're in love, of course!"

Milo and Melissa both gulped, flustered at the question.

Melissa stammered. "Well, uh, obviously…"

Milo too was stuttering and flailing around. "Oh, uh, you see…"

"Well?", the waiter asked, awaiting an answer.

Milo gulped. "Come on, Milo! Think! Do it for Dadkota and Dadvendish!"

He opened his mouth, hoping that whatever came out would work. "Here goes nothing…", he thought, and he began to talk.

"Oh, well, um… I guess it was last year, in the summer."

Melissa, who was still fidgeting and twiddling her fingers, gave Milo a surprised sideway glance. "Um… Really?"

Milo, knowing he had to dive in, did. "Yeah! Really!"

The words just flew out as he said things he didn't realize he meant…

But he did.

"You see, we were eating ice cream at The Ice Cream Place, and, well, it was fun, but that day, I was feeling really sad… I was feeling…"

For a moment, Milo flashbacked to that day…

To that great sadness…

And he felt it in his heart.

"…Unneeded. I felt… Like a burden."

Milo then looked up, straight at Melissa, with what could only be described as enormous gratitude, with only the tiniest hint of…

Love.

"And then… You told me… That you were never tired of me."

Milo smiled the most genuine, appreciative smile of his life.

"And… That's when I knew… She was the one."

The line between fact and fiction blurred, Melissa stepped in to make it even less clear…

Or perhaps…

It was now clearer.

Who could tell?

"…Well… For me, I guess…"

Melissa laughed softly, sending Milo's heart beating, but not nearly as fast as hers.

"Well, I guess I'm not sure. After all… When you feel… So strongly as I do…"

She lifted her face towards Milo, with a small but true smile, one that made Milo blush strongly.

It may have been the most genuine, most heartfelt smile she had ever had in her life.

"…Who's to say… That I didn't fall in love… That very first day?"

She took hold of his hand, and he squeezed back.

"Who's to say… That I haven't loved you from the very beginning, my angel?"

Milo and Melissa were getting dangerously close to some sort of resolution.

"Really? Took you that long to act?", Milo asked, almost flirtatiously.

"What can I say? I need the right moment… Before I finally…", Melissa started, and the two almost leaned in…

Before realizing something weird.

"…Where's the waiter?", Melissa asked, and she and Milo looked around to see he was gone…

And then looked down to see that they were holding hands…

And that they were very close…

Too close.

They both blushed heavily and giggled awkwardly…

But some of that passion was still there in their eyes.

"…You know… That was all… Fake, but…", Milo choked out, still feeling a rapid beat in his heart.

"…I really do think you have pretty eyes."

"…Thanks. I… I really do think you have a beautiful smile."

"…Thanks."

"…Don't mention it."

They smiled.

* * *

Meanwhile, Zack, Sara and Doof were getting impatient.

"Ok, we're not getting any updates from these two love birds.", Zack said, standing up. "I say we go in and pretend we're delivering a human sacrifice."

"Oooh! Oooh! Can I be the human sacrifice?", Doof volunteered, raising his hand in the air and bouncing excitedly.

"Wouldn't have it any other way.", Zack said with a cocky grin.

"Hooray! In your face Mom! People would care enough to kill me!", Doof boasted at his nowhere to be seen Mom, pointing his finger violently before falling onto the floor pretending to be dead.

"Aw, but I want to see my little brother falling in love!", Sara whined, hearts in her eyes.

Zack popped them with a pin. "Sara, you really think that's going to happen? Not only is this story cannonicly before "Holding Hands", but it is also not near the finale! The Author is riding this till the end, remember? Milo said that in his coffee adled craze! And yes, we expect you to try to decipher what he said in that, ya loonies!"

Sara sighed, disappointed, and then she and Zack lifted Doof up and began to walk…

Only for Peter Parker to clash into them.

"Oh! Sorry, man! We're just going in…", But Zack couldn't finish, as Peter quickly led them to the dancing area.

"Aw, man, help has arrived! It took you a while to get here!", Peter said relieved as he led them to the area.

Zack and Sara tried to save the situation. "Woah, dude, we're not…"

Peter then lifted Doof onto a standing position, put bouncer outfits on him and Sara and an Elvis costume on Zack, and started getting the disco lights ready.

"I'm so happy you're here! I'm trying to help a Mr. Vinnie Dakota with his date, but I can't do it on my own! Don't know why you took so long!", Peter said, tying up a disco ball to the outside dining area's roof.

"Where could they actually be?", Sara asked, and Zack and Doof shrugged.

Meanwhile…

Serendipitacely, WaffleTail, Krazy4Kris, Arend, Goldsith, PhinFerbFan5, WestWindbag, Tugiacat, Beaker09 and GreenHornet all sat silently on a desert island.

Finally, Goldsith spoke. "Well, you've got me. By all accounts, this doesn't make sense."

Enraged and heartbroken, Serendipitacely shook his fists at the heavens, only one word on his lips: "DAKAVENDISH!"

Back with our heroes…

Peter directed Zack, Sara and Doof to their places, the three wiling to comply if it meant helping Cavendish and Dakota, and meanwhile, Cavendish and Dakota continued their lousy date…

* * *

"Oh, Dakota! Finally you are back!", Cavendish said, and, forcing his entire body to comply, he reached over and hugged Dakota, prompting some stares from the nearby tables.

Dakota awkwardly coughed, wondering what was with the sudden showing of affection.

Not that he was against it.

"Man… Has it been that long?", Dakota thought as he sat down next on his chair, watching a strangely excited Cavendish talk.

"Golly oh gosh, I just… Really like that we're doing this! Because I really think you're great! Truly!", Cavendish piped on, hoping it sounded genuine.

Wait, why did it have to sound genuine?

He could muster saying that!

He could show his affection for Dakota…

Right?

Dakota stared at him, very confused. "You were not like this before. What's up?"

He raised an eyebrow, feeling that something was amiss in Cavendish's behavior.

Cavendish, sweating a bit, laughed it off. "Oh, nothing! I just want to know how you are! How's your day been?"

Dakota remembered how his day went…

Specifically, how his day with Joni went…

And he didn't want to talk about it yet.

Especially with someone he suspected was hiding something from him.

In fact, Dakota was starting to get a little annoyed.

"Say, Cavendish…"

"Yes, dearest?", Cavendish answered back, feeling that he was getting the hang of this.

"All I really need to do is keep saying it, and soon I'll feel it!"

Dakota scratched his chin. "Don't take this the wrong way, but…"

He looked at him intently, hoping to wrestle some truth, even if it hurt.

Though Dakota still prayed in his heart of hearts that this was genuine.

"…Why are you acting all fuzzy?"

Cavendish retorted quickly. "Why, what on earth do you mean, honey?"

Dakota raised a suspicious eyebrow, really skeptical of this whole situation. "Um, may I remind you that you were ignoring me and stuff for like, a whole month?"

Cavendish scoffed. "Oh, heavens no, Dakota!"

"Denying would make him feel better! Besides, I wasn't ignoring! I just… Needed some time alone!"

Caavendish rested his head behind his arms. "Where did you get that silly notion from? I just needed some me time sometimes, but truth be told, I still feel exactly the same to you as I always did."

Cavendish himself wasn't sure how much truth and how much fiction there was in that last statement, but right now it didn't matter! Dakota (and more importantly, Cavendish's ego) had to be saved!

Dakota was starting to wonder what was real.

"You mean… You weren't ignoring me? You weren't isolating yourself?"

Cavendish nodded, taking a sip from his wine glass.

Dakota started to feel sheepish.

Sure, he felt what he felt, but perhaps he was a bit distracted too.

After all, he HAD considered suicide a mere two days ago.

Perhaps his mind was playing tricks on him.

Perhaps…

Their relationship wasn't doomed after all!

Now THIS was good news!

Poor Dakota, so desperate, so pleading for love, for Cavendish's love, that he chose to be blind, if for only a moment.

Dakota, smiling, lifted his glass. "Wow. I can't believe I was so wrong!"

Cavendish clinked back, and the two men smiled.

"This is great! If there's no problem, then I don't need to worry about us anymore! And hey, we earned a free dance out of it!", Dakota said, grinning wildly.

Cavendish choked on his drink as he heard that.

Dancing?!

With Dakota?!

In public?!

"Wait, I should tell them that our problems are gone. Don't wanna force them to do something for naught…", Dakota started, feeling a little guilty for being so greedy, when suddenly he felt worse.

Because Cavendish just spat on him a ton of wine.

His face soaked and his dress getting wet, Dakota gave Cavendish a stare of discontent. "Um, Balthy? Really? You know how expensive this dress was? I only took It because Savannah insisted you'd love it!"

Cavendish tried to save the day by wiping it off with napkins, while continuing to "reassure" Dakota.

"Sorry, Vinnie-The-Pooh, it's just that I was a little… Surprised! But, I mean, we don't HAVE to dance! As you said, we have no problems anymore!", Cavendish said, hoping he could wiggle out of dancing in public with Dakota.

Dakota pouted. "Well, like, I guess we don't HAVE to, but why not?"

Cavendish began pressing hard against it. "Uh, because we don't HAVE to! Honestly, Dakota, it's like you want to dance!"

Dakota reacted accordingly to this dumb accusation. "Um, yeah, I do, because I love you!"

Cavendish gulped, his face pale.

There was that word again: "Love".

He still didn't know how to respond to that.

Perhaps a quick fix, a distraction could turn the tide around.

"Um, Dakota, surely we don't need to dance to reaffirm our love! We've never been much for over the top symbolic gestures!", Cavendish waved off, hoping he could convince his date to give up on this silly charade.

But Dakota refused to relent, as he took a sip from his wine glass and looked very peeved off. "Well, yeah, we don't HAVE to, for the millionth time, but I would LIKE to dance with you. You don't have to, you could just tell me why you don't want to."

"It's not that I don't want to, it's… It's…"

Cavendish began to panic and Dakota began to get weary of this. What was real anymore?

Was anything real?

Or was it all fake?

…

Were Cavendish's feelings fake?

"Cavendish…", Dakota started, getting a lump in his throat.

"…What do you actually feel?"

But before Cavendish could scream from fear, a familiar saxophone began playing, a jazzy beat that would forever be misinterpreted as a love song when it's actually a cheating song began to reverberate across the restaurant, and, unbeknowest to Cavendish, the beginning of the end of his delusions began to echo across the halls.

"Careless Whisper" by Michael George (and Yes, I am serious) began playing.

"…Oh shit.", Cavendish whispered.

Dakota ignored the music, wanting to continue the interrogation, but Cavendish, stuck between a rock and a hard place, realizing that he had to choose the lesser of two evils, suddenly grabbed his hand and rushed him into the dance area.

"COME ON, DAKOTA! LET'S BOOGIE!", Cavendish bellowed as he dragged Dakota behind him, the poor hero sighing, as a terrible realization started to come upon him.

* * *

A few moments before that…

Milo and Melissa, still so confused and filled with hormones, continued to talk, having totally forgotten about Dadvendish and Dadkota.

"…So… This is…", Melissa started, but Milo finished.

"Awkward…", Milo finished, feeling his heart pound and his palms sweat.

They laughed for a moment, before resuming their odd conversation.

"You did really well, there, though.", Melissa added, impressed.

Milo shrugged. "It was more you than me. And anyway, we've always worked well together."

"We're quite the team, eh?", Melissa said, and they high fived.

They sat there for a moment, feeling the wall of their own making start to slowly tear apart.

"I gotta say…", Melissa started, her head screaming no and her heart screaming yes.

"Yeah?", Milo asked, trying his best not to think of just how right this all feels…

Just how much he wants to show her how much he loves her already…

Just how much he'd love to kiss her…

"This… I mean, of course we don't like each other like that!", Melissa quickly reassured, and Milo panickingly agreed.

"Of course! We're nothing like that!", Milo said, not sure if he was lying or not. "We're just friends!"

"Very good friends!", Melissa corrected, a finger in the air.

"Best friends!", Milo continued.

"Soulmates…", Melissa added, feeling a little shy.

"…Yeah…", Milo whispered.

They gazed into each other's eyes.

"But… I do want to say…"

Milo listened as Melissa continued her point, cautious to not say something wrong that felt so right…

"I… This isn't… So bad…", Melissa said, looking at him with a real smile.

"No… No it isn't… Babe.", Milo added, jokingly.

Melissa giggled and then raised an eyebrow. "Whatever you say… Honey."

The jokes escalated as they got closer, wide grins and warm blushes on their faces.

"My Princess…"

"My Knight…"

"My belle…"

"My hero…"

…

They were both breathing heavily as they continued to gaze at each other, not noticing their hands were softly holding each other, their thumbs caressing each other's hands.

"…Mi Amor…", they said, at the same time, almost too energetic, the excitement of the chance to be honest about their feelings exhilarating.

In fact, who knows what could have happened…

If it wasn't for the dance suddenly starting.

Milo looked at the dance, wondering what was going on.

So did Melissa.

Without releasing each other's hands, they stood up and watched as "Careless Whisper" started playing.

Suddenly, they looked at each other.

"I mean…We've danced before…", Milo offered weakly, with a sheepish smile.

Melissa grinned. "But just as friends… Of course…"

"Of course…"

And then, they smiled and walked off to the dance floor, looking at each other and only each other…

* * *

With lights in a million colors blaring on and off and slightly blinding the two, Cavendish and Dakota stepped up to the dance floor.

Peter, handling the music, and Zack, singing on the side, gave Cavendish and Dakota a thumbs up.

But Cavendish just wanted to ignore everything, so he could just get this finished and stop Dakota from suspecting that something was off…

But why?

Doesn't he want to fix this?

Is he doing the right thing?

Could it be…

He gasped audibly as he grabbed Dakota's hands and looked at a man who so desperately wanted his love, and who had always been there for him, give him a look of absolute hopelessness.

Could it be…

"That I'm in the wrong?", he thought, as he clasped Dakota's hands.

Dakota clasped back.

He stared at Cavendish, who avoided his gaze.

"Cavendish…"

"WHAT, DAKOTA? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF OUR LOVE!", Cavendish screamed as he began to lead, George Michael belting out guilt trips like a pro.

_"__I Feel So Unsure…"_

_"__As I Take Your Hand… And Lead You To. The. Dance. Floor."_

Cavendish and Dakota slowly danced, Dakota hanging onto Cavendish who tried desperately to lead, but clearly did not have his heart in it.

In fact, they felt off, their usual rhythm lacking, their usual harmony replaced…

With a fake melody.

_"__As The Music Dies… Something In Your Eyes…"_

_"__Calls To Mind A Silver Screen, and You're. It's. Sad. Goodbye…"_

Cavendish began to flail around (_"I'm Never Gonna Dance Again…"_), and he accidentally stepped on Dakota's feet, which made Vinnie yelp in pain (_"Guilty Feet Ain't Got No Rhythm!"_).

Dakota looked at his partner with an uneasy but determined face.

He had to do this, no matter how gut wrenching it was.

"Cavendish… You didn't want to dance a minute ago…"

_"__Though It's Easy To Pretend…"_

Cavendish gulped, trying his best to keep his cover.

"Well… I changed my mind…"

_"__I Know You're Not A Fool…"_

Dakota raised an eyebrow, suddenly taking the lead in the dance. "Cavendish… Maybe I was wrong about you ignoring me, but I need to know what is going on. You're changing your mind in mere moments, you don't talk to me and then suddenly you can't stop talking to me…"

He sighed as he asked a question he wished he hadn't.

"How do I know what's true or not? Are you really telling me the truth? Because I know what I felt."

_"__I Should Have Known Better Than To Cheat A Friend…"_

Cavendish was really starting to feel the guilt from both sides, and he began to stammer. "Why… Why, of course this is real! Why, I don't like dancing, but I like you."

Dakota kept his stare. "Then why did you not talk to me all that time? Why did you ignore me? Or, well, why did I feel that? Can you answer that?"

He sighed again, morosely. "Can you even begin to examine your part in all this?"

_"__And Waste A Chance That I'd Been Given…"_

Cavendish, getting tired of defending himself and tired of this attack on his integrity, shot back. "Why can't you just believe me, Dakota? Besides, how much did I ignore you? How much did I not participate?"

"Ah… A lot! That's what you did! Can you seriously not even begin to consider that maybe, just maybe, you're doing something wrong?…"

But Dakota's question was interrupted by a righteous Cavendish, who started panicking at the very idea of his being wrong.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I DO CARE ABOUT YOU! I AM NEVER WRONG! THIS IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD!"

Dakota started getting angry. "SO MY FEELINGS MEAN NOTHING, IF IT MEANS THAT YOU ARE WRONG? THAT YOUR EGO IS BRUISED?

_"__So I'm Never Gonna Dance Again…"_

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I SAID…"

"Answer me, Cavendish! Do my feelings matter to you? Does this relationship matter to you? Or is all about you?"

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"

"Really… Then tell me this: Why are you afraid of loving me? Of loving yourself?"

Dakota laid on the wham question:

"Cavendish… Do you even love me?"

"SHUT UP!", Cavendish screamed and he punched the music player.

He turned to Dakota, mad with fear.

"SHUT UP! I AM NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING! I DO CARE ABOUT YOU, AND I DO LIKE YOU, AND I AM NOT AFRAID OF WHAT MY FATHER THINKS! I AM ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU, WAY MORE THAN YOU, YOU ANNOYING, OVERCARING STUPID IDIOT! I AM NEVER WRONG! I AM ALWAYS RIGHT! I AM BALTHAZAR FREAKING CAVENDISH, AND I MUST BE RIGHT! I MUST BE THE HERO! I MUST BE GOOD ENOUGH! SO SHUT UP! IT'S NOT MY FAULT THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP IS TERRIBLE! IT'S YOURS, 'CAUSE YOU WON'T LET ME BE!"

Cavendish huffed and puffed as he finished his speech, everyone's eyes on him.

He turned to them, enraged.

"STOP JUDGING ME! YOU KNOW I AM RIGHT!"

He turned back to Dakota…

But Dakota, with a cold, empty stare, turned his back…

And walked off.

"…Dakota?..."

Cavendish began to follow him, as Milo, Melissa, Zack, Sara and Doof tagged along, all visibly concerned.

"Windmills of Your Mind" by Noel Harrison began playing as they got into a car park, Dakota still walking away, a storm on his head.

"Dakota…", Cavendish said, suddenly realizing what he had said. "Dakota… I didn't mean…"

"No. You didn't mean. You didn't mean anything. None of it."

Dakota stayed there, his back pointing at Cavendish, his fists clenched, his ears buzzing and his eyes stinging.

"Exactly! Good show, Dakota!", Cavendish complimented, feeling relieved. "I was sure you misunderstood my point! See, I am right about most of it…"

"Shut. Up."

Cavendish was taken aback by this unusually coarse language from Dakota.

"I beg your pardon? Dakota, I was just trying to say that…"

"SHUT. UP. NOW."

Dakota shook with rage, but Cavendish refused to acknowledge this.

"Look, I understand that I was a little harsh, but you are wrong and I am right, Dakota: There is no problem with how we are right now! Honestly, I don't see what I was doing wrong: Who said I wasn't caring, who said I wasn't giving enough…"

"SHUT. THE HELL UP. NOW!", Dakota screamed, and he turned violently to Cavendish with a red face full of tears and anger, growling almost.

"YOU CANNOT TALK TO ME LIKE…"

"NO! YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME NOW!", Dakota demanded, and for once Cavendish stopped talking.

Dakota breathed heavily, feeling so much rage and frustration and heartbreak.

"Ignoring me for a month… Fine. Maybe you were just down. Maybe you were just… I don't know. But… But that doesn't justify anything. You're in a living, breathing relationship with someone. You can't just check out!", Dakota shouted.

Cavendish took offense to this. "What checking out did I do?"

Dakota laughed, resentment in his voice. "What checking out didn't you do?"

He pointed at Cavendish, so much sadness dripping out of his action.

"You didn't kiss, hug, talk or even acknowledge me for a month! And when you did… It was empty… And meaningless… And fake."

"That's not true!"

"Yes it is! And if it isn't, then you should still be concerned!"

"Why?!", Cavendish asked, outraged.

"Because if you made me feel all this accidentally, shouldn't you change the way you're acting?"

"Dakota… I understand that you're feeling bad, but I… I can't be wrong…"

Dakota lifted his arms up in the air, a disappointed look on his face.

"Oh, here we go! Balthazar Cavendish can't be wrong, because how dare we insinuate that you could ever, EVER be wrong! I mean, you only thought Milo was a spy and tried to arrest him! You only left me ALONE…", he emphasized by smacking his chest. "So you can fight some half baked sad war against aliens because you felt SOOOO useless and SOOO pathetic, never thinking what that would do to me!"

"I wiped your mind!"

"And I found out a moment later, you moron!"

Dakota snarled, his face twisting in pain. "And you nearly died, but we can't say that, because GOD FORBID if you were ever wrong, which you have been, SO MANY TIMES! And now, you have the GALL to say that my feelings, my thoughts, my pain doesn't count because it makes you look bad?!"

Dakota grabbed Cavendish and stared at him with a mad look.

"Was any of it real?! Was any of it ever real?!"

"Dakota, you don't know what you're talking about…"

"DON'T BULLSHIT ME, CAVENDISH!""

Dakota took a deep breath.

"You don't need to play this stupid game, Cavendish. You wanna be a hero so badly, but heroes know when they're wrong. And it's high time you admitted that!"

"I am not wrong! Heroes are not wrong! What would you know about heroes? What makes you a hero?"

"I DON'T DO IT BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF!"

Cavendish stopped talking, and looked at Dakota, who started crying.

"…Do you know… That I… That two days ago… In the bowling alley… I looked out the window… I saw a busy road… And I thought… How great it would be… For everyone else… If I stepped in there and died?"

The kids gasped and Cavendish silently looked shocked.

"Dakota, I…"

"And I couldn't tell you. How could I? You don't really care."

"I do…"

"If you do… Then why don't you show it? Why are you so afraid?"

Dakota began blubbering.

"I was there for you… For 8 years… I listened… I helped… I sat there as you vented and vented… I tried my best… To make you happy… Because I loved you so much… Because you are my world… All I had… All we had…"

He shook.

"And… And yet you still treat me like trash… You still treat me like a bother… You look for a universe of approval… When you always had it, you goddamn idiot."

He continued.

"I saved your life again and again… I stood there, by your side… Again and again and again… And in the end… It means nothing to you. Because you can't afford to love. It would mean…"

He sniffled.

"It would mean that… It's not about you. You can't dare imagine a world where you aren't number one. You'd rather suffer alone… Then see that there are people who love you… But you hate yourself too much to do that."

"I… I…"

"It's ok to be afraid… But you can't admit it."

"What am I afraid of?"

"What aren't you afraid of? You're afraid of being wrong… Of having your ego bruised… Of letting down your dad… Of not being good enough… Of loving… And of being loved…"

Dakota shook his head. "Because if you do… You might discover the scariest truth…"

"What?"

"That… You do deserve love. Because deep down, you are afraid of hurting the ones you love. Deep down… You think you don't deserve love. But that would mean admitting you're imperfect. That would mean trying to care about others. And that's impossible for you."

Dakota turned his back, before turning again.

"Cavendish… I can't force you to love me. I don't want to do that. I want our love to be real. But it can't if you refuse to be loved. You don't need to be some great hero to be loved. I already love you."

Dakota cried and cried as he finished his speech.

"But you'll never be able to solve this… To be happy… If I don't do this now. If I don't force you to look at yourself and ask "Am I wrong? Can I improve?"

Dakota stepped up to him and held him by the shoulders.

"It's a simple question. Yes or no. And whatever the answer is… I'll accept it. Because if you answer now, and not avoid it… You'll be able to finally look inwards."

He cleared his throat, and, with an aching heart, knowing what was going to happen, he said this:

"Cavendish… Do you love me?"

Cavendish stayed silent, not knowing what to say, shocked by the situation.

"…Just answer. I'll accept it. I will. Just tell me the truth, just once: Do you love me? Can you love anyone but yourself? Can you care for someone… And not hurt them? Can you love yourself?"

He finished.

"Do you… Deserve love?"

Cavendish tried to answer.

He searched and searched his mind, but he could find nothing.

He shook and cried as all he could say, with a lost and pained expression was…

"…I…"

He looked down, ashamed.

"I…"

He shivered.

"I…"

He looked at Dakota…

At the man he hurt…

How could he have been so…

Why was he so…

How?

How?

Why was he… Born?

Why could he not be as good as he wanted to be?

As he thought he was?

Why…

Why could he not love?

"…I don't know…"

Dakota sighed.

"I guess that answer also works."

He turned around.

"Goodbye Cavendish."

Cavendish looked up, shocked.

"Wait, where are you going?"

Dakota didn't turn, but he spoke.

"I'm leaving for a few days… So that you can think. So that you can decide. So that when you make that decision, I won't influence it. And whatever it is… I'll accept it. Because believe it or not… Despite everything… Despite all you did today… Despite all my pain… I still love you."

He turned.

"The real question is: Do you? Can you ever be happy?"

Cavendish said nothing.

Dakota turned.

"I'll see you then. I wish you luck. Because you are better than you think you are… And if you do say yes… Know that you can be loved. You don't have to be perfect. We can all love you. You just need to love yourself already. You just need to accept that you are human… And if you could do that… Then you'd finally be the hero you so desperately want to be… And the one that I still believe is in there."

Dakota walked off.

"Goodbye… Cavendish…"

He shed a tear and left…

Leaving a broken and sad Cavendish.

The autumn leaves had turned into the color of Dakota's hair.

And Cavendish had not realized that he had ruined the only real thing in his life.

And now, he was left alone in a world of illusions, with no true love.

And it felt…

Empty.

Sara, Doof, Zack and Melissa all looked at him with shocked, disappointed looks, and left after Dakota.

Milo left last.

He looked at Cavendish and said "…Please try… You don't have to be alone…"

He then left.

Cavendish stayed alone, his heart hurting and his life over.

And all he could say, as he thought of all Dakota had done for him, as he thought of all the love he had killed…

As he thought of how wrong he was to be so selfish…

And as he thought of how terrible he was…

That he did not deserve love…

That the windmills of his mind could only utter one sad, broken phrase, as he realized that he had lost everything, because he could not muster the effort to love back:

"…I… I don't know."

* * *

**Post Credits Scene:**

"…So… He's left him?"

"Yes."

"Well, what do we do now?"

"I say we get him now!"

"No… After that?"

"It's not ok!"

"We won't."

As "Norikoeru beki wa Satsugai Kyoufu" from Future Diary plays, The Seventh Shadowy Figure, sitting in a familiar location, his inhuman voice and face sending fear into their hearts, addressed the six others before him.

"Vinnie needs some time… And only then can we give him what he deserves…"

He then sighed, a coldness from his voice and body.

"…I waited so long… We won't be like Cavendish… We won't make his mistakes…"

He then smiled, his eyes now blaring red, his head moving almost mechanically.

"Vinnie… Is ours…"

And as the camera departed "Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated", he whispered…

"Vinnie… Is mine…"

**TO BE CONCLUDED IN:**

**BALTHAZAR CAVENDISH VS THE WORLD!**

**COMING SOON…**


End file.
